


Breathless

by Phandiction



Series: Gladiator [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Dan is loud and needy, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Kissing, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Near Death Experiences, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dan Howell, Protective Phil, Protectiveness, between strangers, not dan and phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-03-05 11:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandiction/pseuds/Phandiction
Summary: This is an alternative, chaptered ending to my fic Powerless





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I let you in, you bled me out  
> You left me skin and bone, you left me all alone  
> You used to run, run through my veins  
> And to be honest, I know I’ll never be the same  
> I let you in, you left me out  
> You left me on my own, you left me all alone

“That’s it.” The announcer praised, thinking their Hero had finally obeyed. Phil could almost hear the relief in their tone. “Medics into the arena. Get medics into the arena.”

               Phil bent, his fist closing around the black handle of the weapon. He took hold of it and walked back over to Dan, sitting and laying the weapon down.

               “Back away from the boy! Prisoner! Prisoner, back away from the boy immediately!”

               Phil ignored the voice. He carefully helped Dan into a somewhat sitting position, his hand slipping across slick blood. Dan rested his head against Phil’s chest and breathed deeply. Phil stroked the boy’s hair gently. He closed his eyes and thought of all the time they’d spent together the last few months. Every moment of it had been the best of his life.

               Phil whispered into Dan’s shoulder. “I am so glad that the last months, weeks, days, and moments of my life have been spent with you.” He felt the boy’s tears soak into his shirt and more pain blossomed in his heart. This isn’t how his life should have gone. This wasn’t right. This isn’t the decision they should have had to come to. Without looking, he reached for the dagger and held it tightly. His hands shook. “I won’t let them turn you into a monster. Into me.”

               “Well, I think you’re pretty great.” Dan said. Phil smiled and rocked them back and forth again.

               Phil angled the blade to Dan’s back, right below his shoulder blade. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “Do you trust me?”

“More than anyone.”

“Okay. Please forgive me. I love you. For all it’s worth, for all we’ve been through, I loved you.” Phil connected their lips once again. He focused on the warmth of them. The softness of them. The trueness, the love, the affection, the need and desire and passion behind them.  As he lifted the knife away, a whistling filled the air and sharp pain jabbed into Phil’s spine.

            From the corner of his eye he saw the team of medics running into the arena wearing their black uniforms. The arrow in his back made it hard to focus. His vision was blurry and he felt his body slacking, his heart slowing. He tightened his grip on the knife. He needed to hurry.

               “Phil wait! Phil stop!”

               Phil knew that voice. He’d never heard it in the arena before though. He must be imaging things. He really was dying.

“Phil! Don’t!” The voice insisted.

Phil lulled his head to the side. He needed to do this, he needed to kill Dan so that he wasn’t tortured any longer. Phil could barely keep his eyes open. Before him in the distance one of the medics was running toward him. His face was panicked and…familiar. The figure separated into four and then two and back to one as his vision swayed. Glen? What was Glen doing in the arena, dressed as a medic?

One second Glen seemed to be a mile away, the next, the guard was collapsing to his knees beside him. The knife was ripped from his numbing fingers. “No.” He objected weakly. “No, no, no. Dan!” But the boy didn’t respond. He was motionless in Phil’s lap.

“Phil, we need to go.” Glen whispered furiously in his ear. Arms encircled him and began pulling him to his feet. Phil couldn’t hold his head up but when he saw Dan’s slack body fall from his lap he struggled.

“Dan, Dan, Dan. I need to kill him. You don’t understand, I _need_ to.” He chanted as tears fell from his eyes. He could no longer differentiate the pain from the area from the rest of the pain his body was undergoing in that minute.

“Dan will be okay Phil. I’m getting you guys out. Phil? Phil, stay with me. Do you hear me? Stay strong. I’m getting you out.” Glen’s voice faded as darkness swelled throughout Phil’s body.

 


	2. Zombie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't really matter what you do or say  
> I'm never going anywhere anyway  
> 'Cause when I'm dying for you  
> I've never felt so alive

Soft. Everything was so soft. At first the feeling was just at his fingertips. Then it was on his arms, his back, his legs. It was everywhere. It felt as though a cloud were laid over top of him and something bright was causing his eyes to twitch under their lids. Phil never wanted to be away from this softness. Images kept seeping into his mind of a young boy sleeping in a bed under a blanket with the sun coming through the window. This boy was at ease here in the bed, warm and drowsy. Phil’s fingers twitched. The velvety feeling over him became more real as his body moved. In this image the boy rolled over and his arm tucked against someone’s back. That was strange…It felt like Dan. Phil had never slept next to someone besides Dan. But Dan couldn’t be here, in this little boy’s room. Confusion muddled into Phil’s clearing thoughts. Dan…Dan…

Phil slid his arm across the vast softness beside him, searching, fingers grasping. But there was no one there. Where was Dan? He always woke up beside him. Never in this brightness though. Never feeling this comfortable and warm. It was always cold and hard and full of pain.

In his desperateness to understand, Phil opened his cloudy eyes. Everything was white at first glance. After a few blinks Phil could see that he was in fact in a bed. Not like any bed he’d ever seen though. Phil put an elbow underneath him and looked around. He wasn’t in his cell. He was in a room with white walls and a large window. A dresser and chair sat in the corner. Everything was open and big. His heart flipped and his body tensed. He winced when pain shot through his back. There, that was what he was used to.

There was a tightness around his waist and shoulders. He furrowed his brows and reached up to feel a bandage covering most of his torso. _The arrow_. His memory snapped and suddenly he was back in the arena. There were a group of men holding various weapons. Randy was there. _Dan_ was there. Then Dan was being dragged away and a lion was tearing him apart. Suddenly Dan was in his lap and Phil was holding a dagger. He had thrust a dagger into Dan’s back.

Phil gasped and threw the blanket off himself. His heart rate increased with every second as his mind blanked. All he knew was that he had done it. Dan was dead because of him. But Phil was supposed to die. Why was he alive? What went wrong? Phil’s breathing quickened. His ears rang.

“No, no, no.” His voice quivered and broke. His throat was dry and sore. “Dan. Oh Dan I am so sorry.” He began whining like a beaten dog. He grabbed and pulled at his hair as he paced the room. “Not Dan. Oh I am so sorry. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.” He slammed his fist into the wall and hung his head.

A door swung open to his left and he quickly backed away, preparing to fight off whoever walked in. But when the person appeared he was taken aback. His body stilled and his eyes widened as his arms dropped slightly from their fighting stance. It was a woman. She seemed just as startled as him and stopped in the doorway. She had short blond hair that was cut off above the shoulder and her blue eyes were terrified. She didn’t look away from Phil as she called back into the hallway behind her. “Glen! Glen! Get over here now!”

Glen?

The door opened further and Glen stepped beside the women, stopping briefly before coming forward. The man smiled. “Phil! Oh my god you’re awake.” He looked as though he were going to hug Phil but quickly decided against it. Instead he rubbed his hands together and looked Phil up and down. “You look so much better.”

“Glen?” Phil questioned, still standing stiffly.

“I know you’re probably confused right now. I will explain.”

Phil was suddenly filled with anger. His fists clenched and he glared at the man before him. He remembered now. He remembered Glen dragging him out of the arena, leaving Dan there. The same man that had been bringing him food for years in a cell. The same man to have warned Phil that he was supposed to die.

“You said I was going to die. They were going to kill me. Why am I alive? I killed him Glen! I killed him!” Glen’s smile immediately faded and he began shaking his head. “I killed him because he said that he wouldn’t fight in the next battle if I wasn’t there and now I am here and he’s not!” Phil stepped forward, ready to suffocate Glen the second his hands reached him. “Explain that! Explain that!”

“Phil no! He’s alive! Dan’s alive! We saved him! He’s here, right next door.” Glen rushed the words from his mouth as he held his hands defensively in front of his face.

Phil froze. “Dan’s alive?”

“Yes! You didn’t kill him. I stopped you before you could. You blacked out. I’ve been planning this Phil. I wasn’t quite ready but I knew it had to happen that day and…I got you both out. I posed as one of the medics. It’s a long story but you’re safe now Phil. Both you and Dan.”

“Dan’s here?” Phil felt like he was in a dream. None of this could be real.

“Yes but-”

Phil burst forward to the doorway that was still partially blocked by the women. She gasped and quickly moved aside. He made a quick assessment of his location. Glen said he was next door. Phil turned to the right where he saw a closed door.

“Phil wait! Not yet! Let me explain! He’s not-”

Phil shoved open the door. He just needed to see him. He needed to see Dan alive and without a knife in his back. He stopped just a few feet into the room. A breath of relief passed through him and he walked quietly up to the boy who was sleeping in a bed much like the one he’d just gotten out of.

“How are you alive? How are you here?” Phil cried. He sat on the edge of the bed expecting Dan’s eyes to immediately open and see him. Nothing happened. Phil didn’t know that Glen had followed him until the man spoke behind him.

“He’s sleeping Phil. He’s been sleeping for a while.”

“Okay, well, I’ll just wait here for him to wake up. He’ll want to see me.” Phil nodded fervently and reached out for the boy’s hand.

“Phil,” Glen exasperated beside him, “I don’t know when he’ll wake up. His injuries were…well it’s just a miracle he’s alive okay?”

Only then did Phil register all of the tubes connected to varies parts of Dan’s body. A sharp ache spread through his chest. “H-how long?” Phil asked tentatively, forcing his gaze away from Dan to search Glen’s expressions. The man was looking at him pitifully. Phil hated it.

“A week.”

“That’s not too bad right? He’s just healing.” Phil scooted closer to Dan’s side and squeezed his limp hand.

“Yes. You’re right. He’s asleep because he’s healing and that’s very good. We put him under. He would wake up if we took him off the medication but he needs this right now. He had a number of infections. Most of them were from past fights. He was not well. Phil, there’s something you’ll want to know.”

Phil heard the seriousness in his tone and gave him his full attention. “Yes?”

“Dan was not going to make it past that fight.”

“But you said-”

“I know what I said, and I didn’t lie. They were going to save him and throw him in in a couple of weeks, but he wouldn’t have made it that long Phil. He has a blood infection. They don’t have that kind of medical help at the arena. But we got here, we caught it and started treating him immediately. My sister is a doctor.” He gestured toward the women whom Phil had forgotten about already. “This is Maddy. She’s been caring for both of you.”

Phil just kept repeating those words in his head. _He wouldn’t have survived to even the next battle?_ Phil imagined him dying alone and painfully in his cell while the other prisoners watched carelessly. The thought maddened him and he realized he was squeezing Dan’s hand too tightly. He let go and held his hands in his lap.

“When will you know if he’s going to be okay?” Phil asked.

Glen looked to Maddy who still seemed nervous to say anything. “Um, well, soon.” She nodded and stepped up to Dan. She held a finger to the pulse on his wrist. “His heart rate has slowed quite a bit from yesterday which is a really good sign.”

“Can you let him wake up?”

“Well…” She said hesitantly, looking over to Glen for reassurance. “Not yet. We have to be sure. We don’t have a second shot at this and I don’t want to risk anything.”

“We will keep you up to date on absolutely everything Phil, I promise. For now, though, I suggest you get something to eat.” When Phil didn’t look up or respond, Glen tried adding some humor to the situation. “I promise it’s not soup.”

“I can’t eat right now Glen.” Phil took Dans hand again in his and rubbed circles onto his palm with a finger. Dan had always loved that. It was something that would always calm him in an instant. Phil knew that he should be asking questions. He had questions. He was confused as to how he got here or where he even was. Right in that moment though, he couldn’t take in any more information. He looked down at himself and for the first noticed the clothes he was wearing. They were loose and comfortable. It felt almost as though he were wearing nothing compared to the itchy, bloody, ripped and rough ones he was used to. He still couldn’t believe that he was not in the arena. It hadn’t clicked. He just needed to be here beside Dan and take in the fact that they were both still alive.

 

Phil awoke laying partly over Dan’s torso and still holding his hand. He inhaled sharply, opening his eyes in a sudden panic of not knowing where he was. He sat up and looked around. It was the rain that had awakened him. He always woke up to rain in the arena because he knew that a major battle would be soon. _Not here,_ he told himself, _not wherever I am. Where…am I?_ His brain finally allowed the question to come to the forefront. Phil rubbed at his eyes and took another long glance at Dan’s tense face. It was as if he were having bad dreams in his deep sleep. His skin was tanned and dirty, his hair dried and crisp due to the hot days in the arena. Phil reached out and ran a finger along the boy’s cheek. “I wish you could just wake up. If you could, you would see that everything is okay. That I’m here and we’re alive.”

               Phil sat there for a few minutes longer before forcing himself to stand and venture out of the room. The hallway was dark and dead ended at Dan’s room. To the left was the room he’d been in and passed that the small house opened to a high ceiling.

               Phil stalked silently down the hallway like prey hiding from a predator. He didn’t want to be heard or seen. He didn’t know if there were others in this house besides Glen and Maddy. He trusted nothing. He kept his breathing shallow even as his heart pounded. When he reached the end of the hallway he leaned and peered around into the larger room. He felt so exposed under the vaulted ceiling.

               He was staring at a kitchen and living room. His eyes lingered on each thing he saw, remembering from hazy images what things were called and what they felt like. The living room, kitchen, and dining room were all in one area. On the couch was a pillow and a couple of blankets and Phil spotted another door. To another room? The front door to the house was open and voices came from the porch. Phil stepped carefully one foot at a time past the kitchen to the door where he stopped to listen. Louder than the voices were the rain drops pelting the ground.

               Phil heard a chair squeak and froze.

               “Phil? Is that you?” Glen called through the door.

               “Y-yes.”

               “Come on out here.” Glen asked cheerfully.

               Phil took another glance out the door where he could see a cobblestone walkway, a few trees, a mailbox down by a dirt road and many other things that he simply couldn’t register at that moment. It was too much. When was the last time he’d seen a tree? Or felt the rain? He felt a small desire to step out onto the porch and stick his hand out into it but suddenly a car drove by, honking its horn and speeding along. In a moment he was unsure of this new world and slunk back into the house.

               “That’s okay. I just…I wanted to look around is all.”

               Glen didn’t respond for a moment. Phil heard him mumble something and the chair creaked again. Glen appeared in the door way and smiled at him. It was weird to see him so at ease.

               “You look much better. How do you feel?”

               Phil furrowed his brows. He hadn’t considered how he _felt_. “I-I’m fine.”

               “Hungry maybe?”

               “Um…”

               “Just try to eat okay? I know you need it. We can sit down and I can explain everything, alright?”

 

Glen made them a sandwich with a side of chips. The guard dug into his meal but Phil could only stare at it. Glen noticed and swallowed his bite. “Go on.” He waved at Phil. “It’s a ham and cheese sandwich. You’ll like it.”

               Phil looked up from his plate and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. This was all too strange. His brain kept trying to shut down. He felt a sudden need to check on Dan and started getting up from the table. Glen reached out and took his wrist. Reflex took over and in a second the man’s arm was twisted, ready to break, and he yelled out in pain.

               “Hey!” He sounded angry and a bit scared, trying to yank his arm away.

               Thunder cracked outside and Phil jumped, dropping the guard’s arm and stepping away.

               Glen spoke softly. “I’m sorry. I should have known better. But please wait just a moment.” He kept his hand out as if trying to approach a deer ready to bolt. “I know that everything probably feels weird to you right now. I can’t even imagine how you feel.” Phil saw real pity in Glen’s expression. “Do you at least want to know where you are?”

               Phil didn’t move at first. He looked in the direction of Dan’s room and sighed before sitting back down. He took a chip and set it on his tongue, letting it dissolve on its own.

               “Alright, good.” Glen got comfortable in his chair again.

               He went on to explain that he had been planning to get him and Dan out for a while but things kept getting in the way. First it was Phil’s injury to his ribs, then it was the fact that they were doing two battles a week and it would be too obvious if they snuck out. The guard had been discussing his plan with his sister, Maddy, and she agreed to help hide them for a time as well as help with any injuries or infections they might have. It couldn’t be for long though because technically they weren’t far from the arena. Unfortunately, due to the sudden turn of events where Glen knew he had one chance to get them out, their escape was very public. The people in the city, including the duos oh so loving fans, were not too happy about two professional killers on the loose. There was really nothing for the arena to do to make anything okay with the situation either.

Phil didn’t really care about how the public viewed him. “So how long will we be here? Where do we go after?”

               “When Dan and you are healthy enough to walk without looking like starved and beaten refugees you’ll head out of the city. I have a place ready on a little beach side town. It’s very small and no one there even knows about the arena. I can’t take you there though. I’m leaving in the morning actually.”

               “Why?”

               Glen shrugged. “Apparently helping murderers out of their cell and changing their fate is a felony. I need to run. They’ll link everything back to my sister pretty quick I think. Which is why I’m giving you this.” Glen stood and went o the couch where a bag was laying on the floor. He came back and handed it to Phil.

               Phil peered into the bag. He reached in and let cold coins and paper pass through his fingers. “Money?”

               Glen nodded. “As soon as Dan wakes up you two need to get out of here. Find a cheap hotel a few miles away that a cab can take you to and wait until you’re both healthy enough to travel to the town okay? There’s a map in the bag as well.”

               “Glen…we’ll figure something out. You’ve already done enough. Take this back.” He pushed the money back over to the guard who only shoved it back.

               “I’ve been saving up for this. I’ve wanted to help you since the day I started bringing you your meals. You never deserved to be in that place Phil. I hate that you had to live such a huge part of your life there and that I let it go on for as long as I did. I want to help more than anything, so please, take it. I have my own plans and I’ll be fine.”

               Phil shook his head, unbelieving. “Thank you.” Was all he could mutter but his tone gave away just how much it meant.

               “You can trust Maddy with your life okay? Do what she tells you. She’s a little…hesitant around you guys. Don’t mind that though. She’ll trust you soon enough. She wanted to help too.”

               “Alright.”

               “I wish I could be here when Dan wakes up. But I know he’ll be okay and I know for certain you’ll take care of him.”

               “I will.” Phil promised.

 

Phil spent the rest of the day beside Dan holding his hand and staring out the window into a group of trees. He watched birds fly from branch to branch, singing the whole time. They must be the happiest creatures, Phil thought.

              

That night Phil slept in the small space along Dan’s side. He had tried sleeping in his own bed but it felt wrong. He couldn’t sleep and he just kept imaging how Dan would feel if he woke up alone. He didn’t want the boy to feel as lost and confused as he himself had. Maybe it would help that Dan had spent far less time in the arena than Phil. He wouldn’t feel weird about high ceilings, food that isn’t soup, furniture that’s soft, and new clothes. It was comforting for Phil to lay on Dan's chest and just feel his heart still beating. Sometimes it didn’t feel real and Phil would have to close his eyes and focus on the sound and feel of it until he knew for certain he wasn’t dreaming or just remembering a moment back in his cell.

 

Phil watched from the entry way as Glen walked down the stone path to the road. He had seen this man everyday for years and now he was going to just disappear from his life. It was yet another drastic change for his mind to work through and it was more difficult that he expected. He felt a shuddering in his chest as a level of comfort left him. It was like seeing the only hope he’d had in his old life walk away. He had plenty of new hope now but it was different and strange. Phil had never given Glen’s life outside of the arena much thought.

               Yet, now, as he closed the front door and turned to face the living room, he was realizing just how much this person had given up for him. His home, for one thing. Whatever home it was that he returned to every evening after feeding Phil was gone and Glen would never see it again. He was running now. Not forever, but he could never come back here. Maybe he didn’t want to though.

               “Phil?”

               Phil looked up when Maddy’s kind voice called him. “Yeah, um, yes?”

               “I need to run to the store. Will you be okay?”

               “Yeah of course. Go ahead.”

               “Okay.” She smiled. “Don’t leave the house okay? They’re still looking for you and it’s not safe.”

               “I won’t.” Phil said honestly. He was too terrified to go out in the world just yet. That and he couldn’t just leave Dan here, not even for a second.

 

When Maddy returned, Phil stepped out from Dan’s room and watched as she put the food away with amazement. Seeing all the different kinds of food and the amount of it made his stomach growl but also made him feel a little sick. In the arena he had been so close to this world. The people cheering him on all had cabinets full of food like this while he practically starved every day. He’d always been so grateful for those two bowls of soup and he knows it could have been far worse but there are others in that place eating far less than he was able to.

               He was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t notice when Maddy had finished and looked at him with her head tilted.

               “Are you hungry?” She asked.

               “Oh, no, sorry. I was just…thinking.” Phil turned his gaze away and sat on the couch, folding his hands on his lap.

               “You must be bored sitting around here all day. We could go do something. I could give you a haircut and between that and the new clothes no one will recognize you.”

               Phil was shaking his head before she finished the sentence. “I’m not going anywhere.”

               Maddy walked toward him carefully. Phil had realized after being around her a few times now that Maddy was afraid of him. Perhaps she didn’t trust his reactions. It was a little frustrating, but he pushed that away knowing she certainly had a right to be. She’d only ever seen him kill if she ever came to the games. The young women sat down in one of the living rooms plushy chairs. Her back was straight as a board and she didn’t quite look Phil in the eye as she spoke.

               “Dan would be fine. He can’t wake up. He would understand.”

               “No.” Phil said sternly. He wasn’t budging on this.

               Maddy tried again. “Phil…you haven’t been in the real world for a very long time. It’s going to be very overwhelming going into it and I think it would be healthy for you to see it small bits at a time. Dan knows the world, he’ll fit into it easily enough, but I’m worried about you.”

               “I will be fine.” Phil tried to say confidently.

               “When Dan wakes up you guys will have to be quick to leave. You won’t have time to grow accustom to everything. I really think-”

               “Maddy,” Phil sighed heavily, “I appreciate your concern, but you have no idea how I feel right now. Everything I see every day feels new. Out there isn’t going to feel any different than in here. All I know is that I can’t leave Dan okay? There are way too many what ifs. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I don’t know how to think any other way. I am dealing with things as they come. When I step out that door, with Dan, I will deal with it at that moment.”

               Maddy slid her palms along her jeans and gripped at her knees anxiously before standing up. “Alright. I guess it’s your decision.”

               “And trust me, I am not bored.” Phil added.

               She smiled a bit at that.

 

Four days later and Phil was starting to feel more at peace with the openness of the home. He didn’t stalk around silently anymore. He forced himself away from Dan’s bed long enough each day to eat and watch people and cars drive by on the little road. He’d taken his bandage off the day before. It was freeing to be without any kind of restraint on him. When was the last time he didn’t have a wound that needed to be covered? He tried not to think of the arena but how could he not? It had been all he knew for so long. Sixteen years of a cell. Eight years of fighting. He couldn’t help wondering what he would doing at that moment if he were still there. Laying on the bed and looking at the ceiling? Slowly sipping at his soup to savor it? Scrubbing blood from his skin? Carving another mark into the wall? Phil still didn’t talk much but he tried to act more interested whenever Maddy spoke to him. She tried so hard to make him comfortable.

               Four days after Glen had left, as they sat at the table eating breakfast, she seemed tense. Phil didn’t ask why. Instead he watched her carefully, tried to figure it out for himself. Eventually she put down her fork and took in a deep breath.

               “I think Dan’s ready to wake up.” She said abruptly.

               Phil stopped eating and gave her his full attention.

               “The infection has been gone for a couple of days. The gashes on his legs are almost completely healed. He’s ready.”

               “That’s amazing! Let’s do it now.” Phil said happily. He quickly forgot about his meal and was starting to stand up. He didn’t understand why Maddy seemed hesitant.

               “Hold on. It’s not that easy. First off, when I take him off the medication it will take a couple of days for it to get out of his system. Second, Phil, when he wakes up he might think he’s right back there in that arena. In other words, _I_ don’t want to be the one there when he wakes up.”

               “Of course. I will be there.”

 

Phil sat on the bed beside Dan, his eyes constantly flickering over the boy’s face and body to look for any signs of movement. He was starting to imagine little twitches in Dan's fingers or face muscles. He rubbed at his eyes, feeling tired after hours of anticipation.

               Maddy appeared the doorway and leaned against the frame. “Phil, it won’t be for a while. Please get some rest.”

               He knew she was right. Dan was still as asleep as he was yesterday. He might as well get as good a nights sleep as he could manage. When Dan woke up they would have a lot to prepare for. So he decided to sleep in his own bed that night. It was more comfortable on his still aching ribs to lie on his back and he soon fell asleep pictures of Dan fluttering through his mind.

 

Phil woke late the next morning. He slept better than he had even intended. He first checked on Dan, as usual. He then went to the kitchen where Maddy already had breakfast ready. She looked up at him from the dining table when he came in. She smiled kindly.

               “You must have slept well.”

               Phil blew out a puff of air and nodded as he ruffled his messy hair. He really should let Maddy cut it soon. Taking a shower would be nice too. He was so used to these things not even being optional.

               “Grab a plate. The eggs are probably cold but it should still be okay.” The women dabbed at her lips with a napkin and stood from chair.

               “Sounds great, thanks.” Phil groggily found a plate. It was strange how quickly he’d adjusted to eating real food and having meals as often as he’d like. He was anxious to get meals into Dan. He’d seen how healthy and full the boy was when he first arrived in the arena. Since then he’d witnessed that body shrink, lose color, ribs show through. He wondered how his own body would look with real food. Maybe he’d already changed. It wasn’t as if he’d been paying much attention to himself.

               “I’m going to check some things on Dan. Then I’m going to try to convince you to get a haircut.” She grinned teasingly. Phil smiled.

               “It might not take much convincing.” He admitted. She strode passed him to the bedroom and he plunked down on a chair. As he ate, he watched out the floor to ceiling window where some birds were attacking a bird feeder. He enjoyed watching them flit about freely. Soon he too would be as free as a bird. That seemed to be the plan anyway. It was hard to imagine. He was glad he had Dan to keep him calmer. He had little idea what the world outside looked like. He’d blocked so much out once that cell door closed behind him as a small, sad, confused ten year old boy.  Things were starting to come back but for the first time in a very long time he was scared. Not the kind of scared you feel when a pack of wolves is circling you, or a man three times your size is charging at you with a swinging spiked ball and sword. It was different and, in a way, worse. It was unknown. In the arena Phil always expected death. He couldn’t expect anything once he walked out that front door.

               Phil was about to get up and look at the map Glen had given him for the first time when a strangled blood curdling scream came from down the hall. In an instant Phil’s heart flipped and he bolted from the chair. His bare feet slid on the rug in the hallway as he went for Dan's room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no plan as to how often I'll post. I'm just posting as I finish a chapter. So enjoy it as if comes lol


	3. Love is Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I'm sure things will work out okay  
> I wish that was the truth  
> All we know is the sun will rise  
> Thank your lucky stars that you're alive  
> It's a beautiful life

“Phil! Phil!” Maddy screamed but her voice seemed muted somehow and she whined. Phil was up again and swung around the door frame into the room. A quick survey of the room found the bed empty. Dan had Maddy up against the wall, his hand around her neck. Her eyes were full of fear and she looked like she might pass out.

               “Dan!” Phil said in panic. Dans hold on the women’s neck loosened but he froze in confusion. Phil leapt forward and grabbed his wrist, prying it from the women’s throat. “Dan stop! It’s me. Everything’s okay.”

               Dans hold slacked completely and his arm fell to his side. Maddy dropped to the floor before crawling away and coughing as she gasped for air. Dan turned to Phil. His eyes not able to stay locked on his. He appeared groggy and unsure. Phil kept a hand on his wrist and stroked the other through the boy’s hair.

               “It’s okay. We’re safe now. We’re both alive. I’ll explain everything but can you sit down for now?”

               Dans gaze stayed constant enough for him to understand and he nodded. He let Phil guide him to the bed and sit. Phil wanted nothing more than to stay right there by his side, but he needed to check on Maddy.

               “I’ll be back in a second.” He started to walk away but fingers latched around his arm firmly. He looked down to see Dan starring at him with terror and confusion. It didn’t seem Dan was sure that what he was seeing was real. “I know.” Phil whispered. He leaned down and kissed Dans forehead. “Just give me one minute okay?” Gently he removed the fingers from his arm.

               Maddy was still on the floor, watching them from across the room. Phil helped her up and inspected her throat. “Are you okay?”

               She nodded tentatively. “He was going to kill me.” She whined, silent tears spilling from her eyes. “He wasn’t supposed to wake up till tomorrow.”

               “He’s just scared. I’m so sorry. I’m going to talk to him. Go put something on that so it won’t bruise so much, okay?” He led her from the room. He watched her go for a minute to make sure she wouldn’t still pass out.

               “Phil?”

               Phil turned to find Dan standing at the foot of the bed. He went to him, embracing him comfortingly. “We’re safe Dan. We’re out of the arena.”

               Dan clung to him as though he’d never let go. His fingernails dug into Phil’s shoulder blade but he didn’t care. His breathing was stressed and uneven and all Phil wanted to do was calm him. This wasn’t much different from when they were back in the cell after a fight. Phil pulled away enough to move them both to the bed. Dan laid down, immediately switching so that they faced one another. They lay as close as they could while still being able to see the other.

               “What is happening?” Dan whispered worriedly.

               Phil ran his fingers over Dans opened palm as he explained the situation they were now in. Slowly but surely ease made its way into Dans facial expressions. His body slacked into the mattress and his limbs relaxed.

               “Glen got us out.” He repeated in amazement. Dan sat up on an elbow. Phil followed suit, tensing. The boy looked at him intently. “Phil….you…you were going to…you had a knife…”

               Phil’s heart sunk. A part of him wished Dan hadn’t remembered their last moments in the arena. They still hurt Phil deep to his core and always would. Whenever the moment came to mind he had to try and distract himself from thinking about what it would have felt like to shove the blade through Dans muscle, bone, and heart. To see the blood drain from him and feel its hot wetness drip down his hand and arm. Thinking of it now, Phil held Dan close to him, reassuring himself that he was here. He was awake and alive.

               “I’m so sorry Dan. I can’t believe I was going to…I just, in that moment I thought it was right. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

               Dan pushed Phil away in a way that made his heart break. For a moment he wondered if Dan wouldn’t forgive him. The boy’s eyes didn’t hold anger though. It was pity and love that was reflecting.

               “It was the right thing Phil. I would have wanted you to. Don’t let that eat at you. Killing me would have been the right thing and I love you even more for knowing that.” Dan pushed Phil’s hair from his forehead and kissed him deep and slow. It took Phil’s breath away and he wanted to cry. That last night in the arena he thought was the last time he’d feel those lips on his. He has to pull away when sobs get caught in his throat.

               “I love you even more for having the strength to do what you knew would protect me. You are so brave Phil. I love you so much.” He wiped away the tears on Phil’s cheeks and smiled briefly. “You knew they were going to kill you.”

               Phil nods. They lay their heads back down, shifting to get comfortable on the fluffy comforter.

               “That’s why you were acting strange on that last night. I thought that you were just having a bad night. Nightmares or something. It makes sense now.”

               Phil closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Normally he would smell dust, blood, urine and metal. Somewhere in that disgust he would sometimes pick up the distinct, sweet smell of Dan that always stood out. He smelled that now. In the clear, clean air of the house it was easy to pick up on. It calmed him knowing all his senses were aware of Dan’s presence. If he opened his eyes, he could see him. If he twitched a finger, he could feel him. His ears listened to the boys consistent breathing. He smelled his sweet skin. He scooted closer and pressed a gentle kiss on Dan’s lips. Yes, he could taste him as well.

               Phil meant to answer Dan’s questioning tone about the knowledge of his own death but before he could, his eyes had closed and he’d slipped into a light sleep. One where he could feel the heat warming his skin from the window, hear the movement of trees on a breezy day, the occasional footsteps in the living room, the beat of a heart close to his own, and the occasional flicker of movement from the arm resting over his waist.

 

Phil’s eyes opened and for the briefest of moments he panicked. Dan wasn’t there. He sucked in an alarmed lungful of air and was about to get up. Had it all been a dream? A hand rested on his shoulder. He followed to where Dan was sitting cross legged at the end of the bed.

               “I’m right here.”

               Phil let the breath out and rubbed at his eyes as he sat upright. Would there ever be a time he wouldn’t have to worry so much about the boy? He didn’t imagine so. He’d always worry. His life hadn’t blessed him with the ability to have peace of mind and heart.

               “You never have to worry about waking up and not finding me in the room.” Dan said as though reading his thoughts.

               “I hope not.” Phil sighed. “Have you not eaten yet?”

               Dan chewed on the inside of his cheek and shook his head. “I was waiting for you. I don’t want to scare Maddy again. I feel horrible.” His brown eyes glinted with guilt.

               “She understands. She knows where we’ve come from.” Phil tried to bring some comfort to him.

               “I could have killed her.”

               “But you didn’t. She’s okay and you were just confused. She knows that.”

               Dan nodded uncertainly.

               “Are you hungry?” Phil asked. Unlike himself, Dan would not be as shocked to be eating such a variety of food. Phil had been unsure of everything in the house. It was weird to think that this was all familiar to Dan. Waking up in a bed, having windows, rugs, blankets, showers. This was his world for most of his life. The arena was just a piece of it. A dark, dreadful, terrified moment that was now over. Of course, it had also left more of a mark, physically and mentally, than anything outside of those stone walls.

               “Starving.” Dan admitted.

Phil smiled. “Me too.”

 

Phil couldn’t stop the smile on his face as Dan moaned with each bite of the sandwich. It was his third one. After the first salty chip crunched between his teeth his head lulled back. “Oh my god.” He moaned. “I am never eating soup again. In fact, I may just never stop eating.”

               Phil chuckled. It was heartwarming to see the boy so happy. Maddy too smiled from her spot on the couch where her legs tucked under herself. She was doing okay. She would have bruises and her eyes, but she wasn’t afraid of him now.

               “Eat as much as you’d like.” She encouraged.

               “Do you have cookies?” Dan sat straight up at the idea.

               “As a matter of fact, I do.” She got to her feet and shuffled through the cupboards for a bag full of cookies. “They’re just chocolate chip though.” She said as she dropped the bag on the center of the table. Phil swallowed the last bite of his own sandwich and opened the bag, sniffing the contents.

               “Chocolate chip is my favorite.” Dan groaned. “Phil, please don’t tell me you’ve never had a cookie.”

               “Well…I have. It’s just been sixteen years. Forgot how good they smell.” He laughed a little but stopped when he felt eyes boring into him. He looked to find Maddy looking at him with widened eyes.

               “Sixteen years?” She questioned. Phil nodded hesitantly. She shook her head. “Glen told me he’d known you for a long time but I didn’t think…” Her voice trailed off. “Sixteen years.” She muttered. “Have as many cookies as you’d like. Please, eat the whole bag.”

               Phil pulled out two cookies, placing one on Dan’s plate and taking a small bite of his own. Dan set down his sandwich to focus on the cookie. The thing was so sweet. So much sweeter than Phil remembered. There’s no way he could eat entire bag. By the time he’d finished it Dan was done with his second.

               “I want desperately to eat more of these but I feel like I might explode.” Dan leaned back in the chair and patted his stomach.

               “Can’t imagine why.” Phil raised an eyebrow.

               “Are you calling me fat?” Dan glared at Phil and Phil shook his head with a smile. It had been a long time since he’d seen this playful Dan. For the first couple of weeks that Dan was in the cell he was like this sometimes. Sarcastic, argumentative, lively. The way he’d tried to get Phil to talk or bite back. Phil had not valued that side of Dan at that time. He was trying too hard to stay away from him knowing he’d have to kill him one day. He hadn’t known what it would be like to watch the boy’s frisky nature dissolve into depressed blackness. He himself had never had any reason to be…spirited. It didn’t come naturally. Perhaps it was a side of him that would now be open to show itself.

               “You’re certainly thickening up.” Dan leaned over the table to squeeze Phil’s upper arm. Phil looked down at his arm but didn’t see a difference.

               “Never had a mirror to see what I looked like in the arena and I haven’t exactly spent much time since getting out to look at myself.”

               “Obviously. Why haven’t you had a hair cut yet?” Dan asked.

               “I tried to convince him.” Maddy added.

               “Next time you’re lying in a coma on a bed I’ll remember to focus on my hair rather than lay by your side.” Phil joked.

               “Such a romantic.” Dan grinned and the love he felt for Phil radiated from him. “Now that I’m awake, lets spend some time on our cleanliness though.”

 

“I don’t know about this…” Phil turned his head from side to side to examine his hair cut.

               “What are you on about? It looks amazing. You went from looking like a malnourished lion to a hot twenty-six years old man.” Dan stood behind Phil, messing with his hair, trying to find the perfect style. It was strange to look and…feel like a real person. And Dan’s compliments were certainly helping him get over his apprehensiveness. “Really, it looks great.”

               “If you say so.” Dan stepped out of the way so Phil could get to his feet. “Your turn.” Dan took a seat. Maddy started snipping away at his hair and Phil felt a strange twinge of sadness settle in his chest. It felt a bit like the Dan he knew was going to be gone once his hair was. Already Dan seemed like a different person being in his world again. When he looked like his old self, wouldn’t he act like his old self too? Phil had to remind himself that that wasn’t a bad thing. The old Dan was happy and fun and snappy. But what if the old Dan didn’t love Phil? What if he couldn’t deal with Phil’s more serious, careful nature? “Wait.” Phil held up a hand and Maddy stopped, giving him a questioning glance.

               “Something wrong?” She asked.

               Phil didn’t say anything. He placed a hand under Dan’s chin and turned his face so he could look at him properly. Dan tilted his head in concern but let Phil hold him there. He didn’t say anything, just waited patiently for Phil to act. Phil bent and kissed him firmly. Dan reciprocated easily, letting Phil know that whatever was going on in his head, he was there for him. Phil pulled away.

               “Sorry, I just needed to do that.”

               “I’m not going anywhere Phil.” Dan squeezed his hand. Yet again, it seemed the boy knew exactly what he was thinking. Phil nodded doubtfully. It felt like he was kissing Dan for the last time and Dan must have felt that. “You’ll see.” Dan promised. He glanced at Maddy in the mirror. “Go ahead.” She looked from Dan to Phil uncertainly but began snipping once again. One lock at a time.

               Phil watched the pieces fall. He watched Dan’s face in the mirror, waited for the look in his eyes to change. Waited for some sign that he was a different person. Then his eyes were drawn to the boy’s arms. On his arms alone he could see at least a dozen scars. The long deep ones from the wolves, small jagged ones from a blade. Dan didn’t have those coming into the arena. A long breath left Phil’s lungs. No, Dan was not the same person he was before entering the arena. How could he be? The battles had changed him forever, mentally and physically. And now Phil felt horrendously selfish for hoping that old Dan wouldn’t come back. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want Dan to be happy, he was just scared of losing the one thing that had ever mattered to him. He remembered lying on the bed in the cell facing Dan and realizing how much Dan had changed. He remembered how painful it was to look into the boy’s eyes and no longer see that blaze. He looked into Dan’s eyes now. There wasn’t a blaze, but perhaps an ember. His heart warmed. He never thought he’d see it again. Just a couple of weeks ago Dan hadn’t wanted to live another day. Those days were over, and Phil would be eternally grateful. 

 

Once Dan had finished admiring his new cut, Phil laced his fingers through his and lead him to the room he’d slept in the night before. Dan’s was full of tubes and medical equipment, not very romantic. Not that their surroundings had ever been romantic, but Phil just really wanted a special moment with his love. Dan didn’t question what Phil was doing. He followed him like a curious puppy.

Phil stopped near the end of the bed and swung the boy around, kissing him cravingly. Dan laughed against his lips in surprise and moaned.

“What’s this for? You’re acting weird.” Dan looped his arm around Phil’s neck.

Phil didn’t want to talk. He kissed Dan again. There was more urgency behind his movements than he’d had before. They had always been so slow and careful. He still wanted gentleness, but he was also just listening to what his body wanted. His hands ran urgently up and down Dan’s arms before finally realizing what they really wanted was more of the boy’s skin. He slid them under Dan’s shirt and raked his fingertips up and down his chest. Dan gasped against his mouth and he took advantage of the opening with his tongue.

“Oh god.” Dan managed to squeak out between breaths.

Phil suddenly clutched Dan as close to him as he could, his hands flat against his naked back. His breathing was uneven and his thoughts were a muddled buzz. He tucked his face into Dan’s neck and kissed the exposed skin up and down.

“Here.” Dan said into his ear and pulled away enough to remove his shirt. Somewhere in the background they heard Maddy say that this wasn’t one of their cells and that closed doors actually gave privacy but they ignored her.

Phil didn’t hesitate to claim the newly unveiled skin. He didn’t remember a time that Dan was so responsive to him. In the cell, such affection had been pleasurable but also a distraction. And one that others could observe. Here, in an open, bright room with just the two of them, everything felt different. Phil was free to do as he wanted. There was no reason to hold back. His hands explored everywhere, constantly moving. Dan held onto him as if letting go meant everything would stop.

“Bed?” Dan suggested. Phil nodded and pulled Dan to the bed, using an arm to settle him on his back. The boy scooched up so that all of him was on the mattress. All the while Phil followed, never completely stopping his touches and kisses. He’d never felt this kind of control over another human, and yet very little of himself. Normally they were both very malleable to one another, moving with one another like ripples in a lake. It had always been wonderful. Right now, though, beneath him Dan was entirely pliable, and Phil was forming him to whatever he preferred. His fingers grazed over the boy’s side and he arched his back away accordingly. He sucked and licked at his neck and Dan opened his throat to him willingly.

“Take off your shirt.” Dan demanded, pulling at the material. In response to the command Phil bit his flesh. The pinch of pain only made Dan gasp pleasurably. Phil removed his shirt and then the rest of their clothing, throwing everything onto the floor carelessly. He’d never been able to have this much of Dan open to him. It was new territory and he didn’t know what to start with first. He buried his face in the boy’s stomach. The fact that he couldn’t touch everything at once made him grunt irritably. Dan chuckled above him.

“Patience Phil. This is supposed to fun, not frustrating. Well…maybe a little frustrating.” Dan said as he keened in response to Phil’s tongue laving a nipple. They were both undeniably hard and Phil used one of his hands to grope Dan’s groin.

“I want all of you. I want to touch everything at once.” Phil groaned.

“Unless you turn into an octopus it’s not possible.”

Phil huffed at the sarcasm. He found himself out of breath and let his body still, momentarily hovering. He held himself up on his palms, one on either side of Dan’s waist and used his eyes to observe for now. Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair and watched him with a smirk.

“Good to know you have lungs too.” Dan snorted.

“Am I doing too much? I’m sorry. I just-”

“No Phil. You are fine. This is amazing. Unexpected, a little overwhelming and quite stimulating but amazing.”

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. He ran his fingertips over the various scars on Dan’s body. He could feel the rigged bumps of the deep ones. The most prominent was the slice across entire abdomen. His brows furrowed at the different memories each of them gave him.

A hand pushed his chin up and he met Dan’s eyes. “Stop thinking about those things.”

Phil nodded solemnly and accepted a gentle kiss gratefully. His elbow grazed over Dan’s thigh and the boy’s hips jutted forward at the touch. They both chuckled and Phil returned his attention to the body before him. Dan moaned at once again having physical connection. Phil stroked Dan’s length slowly and took in every sound the touch elicited. Once he’d teased him enough and knew Dan was on the edge of frustration, he slid the tip into his mouth and sucked gently. Dan’s hips bucked and more of him slipped past Phil’s lips. He flicked his tongue over the tip before taking in the rest of Dan’s cock. The boys breathing quickened and it was obvious he was finding it difficult to hold still. He arched his back and gripped at the comforter and then the pillow, not finding a place they felt inclined to stay. The noises Dan made were driving Phil crazy. They’d been forced to be near silent during their previous intimate moments. He hoped that never had to be the case again and was just glad he hadn’t known what he was missing before.

“Okay, enough, enough. Please.” Dan said once he managed to stop biting his lip. Phil’s mouth slid off and he gazed up at Dan’s blissed out face, awaiting instruction. “I want to come with you. Please.” He begged.

Phil crawled up to kiss Dan on the lips. “Of course.” He figured he’d had his way long enough. He laid there, kissing Dan, stroking his arm, and waited for the boy to make the next move. Whatever he wanted, Phil would oblige. He let out a small gasp when hands wrapped lightly around his cock. He sucked at Dan’s neck, letting everything just happen for while until he was as worked up as Dan had been. Then he took Dan’s length in his own hand and synced their strokes. They’d teased for so long that it didn’t take much for both to hang on the edge of climax, panting in one another’s open mouths, eyes closed I concentration. When they came, they came hard. Dan’s grunt of utter pleasure was louder than any other noise he’d made thus far and Phil can’t help but feel proud that he greatly contributed.

Phil collapses onto the bed beside Dan. His arm shakes with the effort it took to hold himself up. Dan flips onto his side, a big satisfied smile curving his lips. “I hope I get to see that Phil again. Preferably sooner rather than later.”

Phil can’t help but laugh. He hides his face behind his hands. “It’s embarrassing.” He mumbles. Now that the desperate need for satisfaction had been reached he couldn’t help but want to hide. He’d always been in such control of himself but everything that had just happened, he had certainly not been in control of.

“Embarrassing?!” Dan sat up on his elbows and pried Phil’s hands away from his face. “Why was that embarrassing? It was fun and incredible!”

Phil risked a glance at Dan. “But I was so…I don’t know…intense.”

Dan snorted. “Uh, yeah. That’s what made it amazing. That’s what sex is for Phil, to forget yourself and just react. Do what feels right to the person you love. We’ve never been able to do that before.”

Phil recalled the constant state of euphoria that had been on Dan’s face as he was touched and kissed. It had felt so…right. “I guess so.” He said a bit more confidently.

“I guess we officially know who’s top here because I want to be under you for eternity.”

Phil shook his head and blushed bright red. He had no idea Dan could speak so bluntly. He wasn’t sure if that was just the result of living in the outside world your entire life or part of this old Dan Phil had yet to get to know.

Dan leaned forward to place a kiss on Phil’s forehead. “Don’t worry. It won’t take long for you to get over your embarrassment. Right now though, I’d really like to clean up.”

 

Dan took a long nap later that afternoon. Once he’d fallen asleep Phil decided to grab a couple cookies and sit on one of the chairs on the front porch. He was ashamed by how difficult it was for him to step past that door threshold and hoped Maddy didn’t notice his hesitation from behind. She sat on a chair beside him and they stared out at the trees. In his lap Phil held the pouch of money. He also clutched the map he’d yet to look at that Glen had given them. It was supposed to lead them to somewhere safe. Somewhere they could stay for a while until they themselves knew what they wanted to do. Phil had procrastinated looking at the map. He liked it here in this small open cottage with plenty of light and fluffy comforters. Even Maddy had become a source of ease, a constant stable presence.

               “Have you studied the map yet?” Maddy asked.

               Phil shook his head without looking at her. They would have to leave soon.

               Maddy sighed. “I don’t want you go either you know. It’s been nice having someone around. Even if that someone is a mostly mute, terrified, scrawny man that’s killed countless men and beasts and is inordinately devoted to a single person.”

               Phil peered over at her. “He’s all I’ve ever had Maddy.” He felt a bit defensive of his feelings. She couldn’t possibly understand.

“I know, but sometimes I worry. I’ve never seen a bond like yours and Dan’s and I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason.”

Phil knew Maddy was only trying to help. Trying to get him to contemplate whether his attachment to Dan was too strong for their own good but she had no idea. “I came from nothing Maddy. I had no one. No one wanted me. My only thoughts day in and day out were to survive. Fight whatever was in the arena when the gates rose, wipe off the blood, patch the wounds, eat what was given and wait for the door to open so I could do it all again.” Maddy gaped at him pitifully. Maybe she wanted him to stop talking, but he didn’t. “When Dan walked into the arena, I did what I’ve always done. But then we survived. I was forced to watch what Dan would have to turn into to stay alive. He _wanted_ to trust me even though he had absolutely no reason to. Suddenly he was my only connection to the world, inside and outside of everything I’d ever known. Before I knew it, food wasn’t as important to me. Sleep was just sleep. Surviving…well, it was only important if he was alive too. If he was fed, if he got sleep and stayed warm and alive, then nothing else mattered. The arena thought I was their pet. They overestimated the instinct of survival.”

               Maddy studied him for a long time. “Dan is very lucky to have you. I don’t doubt he feels the exact same towards you. I can’t help but see it as dangerous too though.”

               “Dangerous?” Phil questioned.

               “You can only live if he does and vice versa. To be individuals we must be our own person. We must find our own sources of happiness. We need to consider our own desires and well-being. You can’t do that if your focus is solely on another person. It’s not healthy.”

               Phil saw what she was saying, he truly did. But she wouldn’t say those things if she knew what they’d gone through together. That kind of thinking belonged to people that had only one or two tragic moments in their life. People that’s survival didn’t literally depend on another person. He couldn’t very well explain that though. “I hope one day I have the time, place, and mental capability to ponder the innings of my own heart.”

               Maddy nodded as an agreement to disagree and they returned their attention to the quiet nature before them.

               A few minutes later Dan appeared in the doorway. Phil moved over to make room for him on the chair. Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder contentedly. After a while he tugged the map from Phil’s fingers.

               “What’s this?” He asked, looking it over.

               “Oh, it’s supposed to be where we go now. Glen said there’s a place we can stay at there. I haven’t looked at it yet.” Phil explained.

               Dan examined the paper. “I’ve never heard of this town.”

               “It’s a fairly small place. Very quiet and on the coast. I went there with Glen a few years ago to sign papers.”

               “He owns it?” Dan asked.

               “Mm, yes. He’s always wanted a quiet little town to go to when he was done working for the arena.”

               “Is that where he went?” Phil asked.

               “No, I don’t think so. He didn’t tell me where he was going. He wanted to make sure he was off the grid till things cooled down. Then he was going to come back and we were going to both go somewhere. That’s always been our plan really. I never wanted to stay here in this big city but it’s where the work was and I had just got started being a doctor. I knew I needed the experience. Glen has never been a city person either. He’s stayed all these years for you Phil. He couldn’t leave.”

               Phil’s chest ached at that. He’d never known Glen was that committed to him. Of course, he had always considered Glen a kind of friend, but he hadn’t known the man cared that much. Phil figured he might even have done all those little things for other prisoners too.

               “I hope we get to see him again.” Dan commented.

               “Me too.” Said Phil, more to himself than anything.

               “When do you guys plan on leaving?” Maddy asked.

               Dan looked to Phil for the answer. “I haven’t thought about it, I guess. Dan probably needs some time.”

               “I feel pretty good actually.”

               “I still want to stay here for a couple more days, just in case. Can the infection come back or anything?” Phil asked Maddy.

               “No, he’s healthy. A couple of days to eat properly wouldn’t hurt. Glen and I packed a few things for you guys already. Just some basics. Some clothes and food. It’s all in that backpack.” She pointed to a black backpack leaning against the house.

               “That’s incredible. Thank you.” Dan said sincerely.

               “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about, Dan.” Phil said quietly.

               “Okay, what is it?” Dan couldn’t help the worry in his tone.

               “Maybe it’s something we should talk about privately.” Phil’s eyes flickered to Maddy.

               “No problem. I can go inside and get dinner ready.” She stood and brushed off some yellow specks of pollen that settled on her jeans.

               “Thanks.” Phil said. Dan moved to the other chair and leaned on his knees with his forearms.

               “What do we need to talk about?”

               It was something that Phil had never even considered until yesterday when everything started really clicking in his head. It was only fair to ask Dan about it, even if Phil was hoping for a certain answer. “Your family.”

               Dan stared at him blankly for a moment. “My family?”

               “Yes. I know it’s something we’ve never discussed before because…well…it didn’t matter. But we’re here Dan, outside of the arena. Before we leave, I thought it was only right to ask if you wanted to see them.”

               Dan’s gaze flickered away and he sat back in the chair tensely. “I haven’t had the chance to think about it to be honest. In the arena I never thought I’d get a chance to see them again.”

               The fact that Dan hadn’t immediately said yes gave Phil some hope. He had this fear that Dan wouldn’t want to leave with him if he saw his family again. “It’s whatever you decide. I can understand if that’s something you want to do.” He stared down at his lap, afraid of the truth he might find in Dan’s eyes. He felt the boy looking at him.

               “Phil?” Dan called to him. Phil forced his head up. “What do you think I should do?”

               “I think that if you want to see your family that’s completely understandable. I also think it’s a little dangerous. They might be keeping an eye on them in case you go back but we would figure something out. And…and if you wanted to return to them that’s fine too.” Phil swallowed and tried to play his fear off. “I mean who knows, maybe they want to leave the city too and then you could go with them.”

               Dan’s pupils bore into the side of Phil’s head. He was unreadable.

               “Phil, I am not leaving you. My god, do you actually think I’d just leave you to go to this little town while I skipped off with my family?” Phil could hear the pain in his tone and the same feeling burst in his chest.

               “I just thought…”

               “Thought that what? That I only loved you while we were in the arena?” The boy scoffed but it sounded more like a choked sob.

               “I just want to make sure Dan. I don’t know what your life was like before me.” Phil grew more passionate, trying to hide behind frustration. “Maybe you were rich, maybe you had someone you loved that you were going to marry and have children with, maybe now that we’re out here and you have more options, you’ll want to give that a shot. I only want you to know that you don’t _have_ to come with me. That’s all. Just because you were stuck in a cell with me, doesn’t mean you have to love me.”

               “Wow.” Dan crossed his arms and curled into himself. “I don’t love you because I was forced to sit in a gross cell with you for six months Phil. As a matter of fact, I could have chosen to hate you. I could have _killed_ you.” The boy forced his limbs to relax and he faced Phil again, the anger gone and tenderness returning to them again. “I want to be with you. And if finding you meant stealing a stupid bracelet, fighting for my life, and almost losing it time after time then I’d do it all over. I am not returning to my family. You are the first person I have ever loved. The first person I have ever given myself to emotionally as well as physically. You are all I ever want and what I’ll fight the hardest to keep.”

               Phil was silent for a long time. After a time, he stood. Dan stood with him and they embraced tightly. “I love you so much. Please never doubt that.” Dan pleaded into his neck.

               “I won’t. Never again. I’m sorry.”

               “It’s okay.” Dan said as they pulled apart. “I know you meant well. I should have understood that from the start. You just scared me. Don’t leave me here because you think I want to be with my family.”

               Phil laughed lightly. “I won’t.”

               “Trust me, everyone would be disappointed. My family wasn’t bad. I loved them. But we were never close. I was more of an investment to them. They had my life all planned out and I wasn’t following the little pathway they’d made for me. I know they love me and want what’s best for me but you’re my life now Phil. I haven’t thought about them in so long. It just doesn’t matter anymore. I had a younger brother that I barely knew because he was so young. Whether they know I am alive or think I am dead, I really don’t care.”

               “Alright. I understand. And I’m glad.” Phil said with a smile.

               Dan continued. “Besides, I’m not the only one with a family out here. You do too.”

               Phil pursed his lips. “That’s definitely not happening. My parents gave me up for a few meals, I have no desire to see them. Besides that, who knows where they are now.”

               “Okay, just making sure.” Dan kissed him softly. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go see what Maddy’s cooking up. I’m starving. You made me burn too many calories today.” He said as he pushed past to step through the doorway. Phil smiled and rolled his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had everything tbh. Angst, fluff, smut, you name it. Hope you enjoyed and if you did, please share :)


	4. The Beauty and the Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And when the world crowds your space  
> Remember days when noise was silent

A couple days later Dan and Phil found themselves standing on the porch, backpack on and bellies full ready to go. Maddy was giving Phil a final hug.

               “I’m sure I’ll see you guys in the future.” She said, patting his shoulder warmly. “I’ll look forward to that day. Glen and I will know where to find you.”

               “Thank you for everything. We could never repay you.” Phil said.

               “Yeah you can, stay alive.”

               They all waved their last goodbyes as they started down the rocky path towards the road.

 

“There are so many things you are going to have to learn.” Dan says as they walk along the road. Occasionally a car or carriage rolls past them. Each time the sound of crunching rocks comes from behind Phil fights the urge to look back and inspect who’s coming.

               “Yes, well, I’m sure you’ll teach me.”

               “I don’t even know what you don’t know. You were ten going into the arena which could mean a lot of things. What about math?”

               Phil was trying to concentrate on Dan’s words but currently he was focused on the upcoming buildings. Maddy lived on the outer parts of the city and they were about to wonder into the actual city. “Math? Yeah, I remember some math.”

               “Like…two plus two math?”

               “Like addition and subtraction.” Phil explains.

               “Oh, good. How about counting money? Do you know how much we have?”

               They walk by a tall building with a massive cross on the roof and steep steps that lead to an open entryway. Only then does Phil remember the times he went to church with his mother and older brother. It was weird to think that things like this had always been here, and he knew what they was but it had been absent so long from his life that it felt like someone else’s memories.

               “Phil? You okay?”

               “Oh, right, sorry. Money. Um…no, I don’t know how much we have. And I have no idea if I can count it.”

               “We should probably figure that out soon.” Dan pulls out the map to where Glen circled a motel that he thought they should stay at for a few nights once leaving Maddy’s. “The motel is about an hour ride from here if we take a carriage. Maybe we can get someone to take us.”

               Phil nodded absently. His mind felt like a whirlpool of emotions and memories. He couldn’t concentrate. Dan would need to be the one leading them and making decision until he could clear his mind. Dan must have seen the overwhelmed expression on his face because he stopped asking questions and talking all together. He took Phil’s hand and lead them through streets.

               After thirty minutes of walking people started appearing more frequently. None of them noticed Dan and Phil. They were just a couple more bodies in the city to everyone else. There were unfamiliar noises and people yelling, horses whinnying and carriage doors latching shut. Hooves clapped on the stones and sometimes music played from one of the stores. The worst part though was the people that would walk up from behind. Phil never knew who they were, why they were walking fast, what they might have in their hands or hidden behind their back. He gripped so tightly onto Dan’s hand he knew it must be uncomfortable, but it was the only way he was staying grounded. The sun was baking down on them and he was sweating grossly. Someone bumped into his right shoulder and he felt himself groan externally from the anxiety bubbling over inside him. Dan looked at him worryingly.

               “Phil, are you okay?”

               Phil just shook his head.

               “Okay, alright. Hold on a second okay?” Dan stepped to the side and took his hand from Phil’s, resting it on his shoulder instead. He looked him in the eye concerningly. Phil was shaking and clenched his hands into fist to try and get a hold of himself. “I want you stay here for just a minute. I’ll be right back.” Phil nodded but prayed Dan wasn’t going far. He wasn’t in any condition to protect him or himself and that was alarming. Even in the arena he never trembled with fear. What was wrong with him? This was ridiculous and unacceptable. What if Dan needed him? He forced his head up but Dan was already gone. He couldn’t see him and didn’t know where he’d gone. He searched and searched and finally saw Dan as he was jogging across the street back towards him.

               “I got us a ride to the motel. Come on.”

               He followed Dan across and into the back of an enclosed carriage. There he rested his elbows on his knees, his chin on his hands and forced himself to close his eyes and take deep breaths. An arm enveloped him and he melted into it as the carriage lurched forward. He’s not sure how long he stayed like that, tucked against Dan’s side but eventually he found himself calming down.

               “It won’t be much longer.” Dan assured him, placing his lips against the back of Phil’s hand. Dan dug through the backpack and pulled out the coins. Phil listened to the metal clinks as Dan counted whatever it was that he was paying the driver. He could still hear the sounds of the city outside but it was distant and getting quieter as they went along.

               “Do you want to look out?” Dan encouraged. Phil lifted his head to watch the world pass by him. Buildings, people, wide open fields. He looked down and shook his head.

               “It’s too much.” He whispered. He felt like such a disappointment to Dan. Phil had always been the strong one in their relationship. He was supposed to be the teacher, the comforter, the one that helped them push things down and move on. He felt weak and out of control. Maybe he should done what Maddy suggested and went outside before Dan had woken.

               “That’s okay.” Dan reassured him and gazed out his own window as he held Phil close to him.

               A short time later the carriage came to a stop. Phil’s heart flipped at the idea of getting out but when he listened, he heard nothing at all outside. It was once again still. He sat up and looked out. On his side was an expanse of green field. On the other was the motel. It was made of dark wood and only had about ten rooms, shaped like a U. The office was dead center.

               “I’m going to check in, want to wait here or come with?” Dan asked.

               “I’ll go.”

               They exited the carriage and Dan handed the coins to the driver who immediately took off. Phil much preferred this place. The only person he could see was an older man smoking outside the office under an overhang. There were no tall buildings. Even the mountains were far from here. He could see everything around him. Had Glen known what he would need or was it just by chance? Phil slung the backpack over his shoulder and walked beside Dan toward the man.

               “We’d like a room for three nights please.” Dan handed the man several bills. He took them but looked them both up and down before counting the money and getting up without a word to go inside the office. It was the first person that had gotten a chance to see Dan and Phil up close and their scars likely brought up questions. He came out with a key that he threw to Dan.

               “Number seven.” He pointed in the general direction.

               Once inside the room Phil dropped the pack onto the floor and wrapped an arm around Dan, taking him down with him onto the bed in the center of the room. Dan’s breath was forced out of him at the hard landing and he laughed. Phil pulled them both up to the pillows and squeezed Dan’s waist. It was exactly what he’d needed. Dan tried to turn to face him but Phil didn’t let him.

               “Nuh-uh.” He complained.

               “Alright then bossy.” Dan pushed his back against Phil’s stomach and rested his head on his hands.

“I just want to feel something familiar.” Phil explained. They’d always slept like this in their cell. Strange as it seemed, right now he needed to feel as though he were still there. With the curtains closed, the room dark, and an arm around Dan it felt more like home. An odd kind of comfort that he was used to.

“You did awesome today. I know that couldn’t have been easy.”

“So many people.”

“I know.” Dan sighed and relaxed a bit more. It had been a long day. They were both tired. “Believe it or not it wasn’t easy on me either. I may have only spent six months in that cell, but I thought it was all I’d ever know till I died. I hadn’t prepared my mind for the real world. I forgot how chaotic it is. I never thought I would find darkness and silence so comforting.”

“We get three days here, right? No reason to leave till then?”

“That’s right.”

“Good.” Phil let his eyes close and his thoughts start to fade. He’d never had to worry about plans and what he’d be doing the next day. It was just so much. He was perfectly content laying here, unmoving, for the next three days.

 

On the second day of their stay they woke late. They’d hadn’t done much of anything and that was fine for them. Dan spent the time explaining things to Phil that would beneficial. Catching him up in a sense. Things like the fact that taking daily showers was a normal thing. He did like feeling clean, but it seemed so unnecessary.

               “I promise one of these days I’ll make showers a whole lot more interesting.” Dan had said the previous night. He knew what Dan was implying but he couldn’t see how it was possible to do anything in such a small space.

               Phil got up before Dan that morning and prepared a breakfast of various leftovers. They only had enough food for today. Tomorrow they’d have to find out where to get some more. For today though, it was cheese and crackers and a handful of nuts for each meal. It was still far better than what Phil was used to. The variety itself was delicious.

               Dan awoke not too long after and ate his portion sitting cross legged on the bed. “We need to get more food.” He says.

               “Yeah.” Phil replies, disheartened at the idea of going outside again.

               Dan patted Phil’s knee. “It’ll be okay. The more you go out the easier it will be. For both of us in fact. The trouble is, I don’t remember seeing anything nearby. I’ll ask the owner after breakfast.”

               It was so strange to have Dan taking the lead in all of this. It was a side of him Phil hadn’t really seen in the arena. “I feel so useless.” Phil admitted.

               “What are you talking about?” Dan brushed cracker crumbs off his legs.

               “I can’t do or suggest anything. All of this is so unknown. Getting my own food, making sure we have a place to sleep. What about when we run out of money? I have no idea where to even start.”

               “We’ll figure that all out when we need to. We’ll be fine. I’m keeping track of our money. Glen made sure we have plenty to get to the town if we’re not stupid with it. You’re far from useless.”

               “I can’t even count the money.” Phil knew he sounded like a child, but his pride was seriously wounded.

               “You don’t know that, you said yourself. Maybe you can.”

               “I can’t. I tried.” He admitted.

               “Oh. Well…I can teach you. I’ll teach you stuff like that. Before you know it all of this will be normal. It’s new to me too you know. I may know how but I was still living at home when I was taken. My mom always made dinner and there was food in the pantry I could cook with. I never had to go get it though. I never worked for it. We’re figuring this out together.” Dan leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on Phil’s lips. When he moved to back away Phil grabbed his arm and kept him there for a deeper kiss. “See? There are many things you are useful for.” Dan said once they separated.

               “That doesn’t count.” Phil argued.

               “It definitely counts.” Dan rose and slid on his shoes. Another thing Phil was getting use to. But he liked shoes. They made him feel sturdier and like he didn’t have to be so careful if he had to run for any reason. “I’m going to go ask about where we can food.”

               “Okay, sounds good.”

               Dan opened the rooms door but paused just outside. “Um, Phil?” He called after a moment.

               Phil looked up. “Yeah?”

               Dan’s gaze flickered away awkwardly. “Would you come with me?”

               Phil was on his feet in an instant. “Of course.”

               “It’s just weird when you’re not in the same room with me. I know I’ll have to get used to it but right now, I just…”

               “You don’t need to explain.” Phil quieted his fears. He understood perfectly.

 

Apparently, there was no store or even a market nearby where food was accessible. It seemed the reason Glen chose this location was for its scarcity of people and options. However, there was a small sit-down diner a little way down the road. Since that was their only option, the next morning they packed up and started walking.

               When the man had said a “little way”, Dan figured it would be an hour at most of a walk. His description had not been accurate. They came across nothing until that afternoon. They learned how quickly your body came accustom to eating three meals a day. No carriage or car drove by in that entire time. It was just them, the fields on either side, and the dirt road.

               Phil’s stomach growled loudly as they approached the small diner. There were a couple other buildings and even a few houses around but they were dilapidated and small things. There were few people anywhere. As they stepped through the doors, they realized that most of the people in the town seemed to be here in the restaurant. A few people looked up when they walked in but turned away quickly enough. Phil let out a sigh of relief. He wished he were invisible.

               Dan chose their seat and Phil slid into the chair across from him. The environment of a diner seemed familiar to him, but he couldn’t quite remember what he was supposed to be doing. He anxiously squeezed his hands and rested his elbows on the table. The people here were talking quietly, something Phil greatly appreciated.

               A woman walked up to them holding a notepad. “Drinks?” She asked simply. She was looking at Phil and he stared blankly in a panic.

               “We’ll both just have water.” Dan told her. She nodded and walked away. Phil rubbed at his face. Dan placed a hand on his and rubbed his thumb over the soft skin.

               “It’s okay. We’re okay out here.”

               “How can you say that? We know no one. We know nothing about this place. We’re strangers everywhere we go. And besides, it’s not that I feel ‘unsafe’,” though that was the main reason for his anxiety, “It’s just stressful to be put in situations that I know everyone else is fine with.”

               “Not everyone is fine with these things. There are a lot of people that have anxiety going places and being around people. And none of them went through what you did. Just take a deep breath and focus on me okay? No one here matters. Just talk to me.” Dan waited until Phil had nodded and then handed him a menu. “Here, pick something you’re craving okay?”

               Phil groaned, shifting in his seat. “Can you please just order for me? I really don’t care what it is.”

               Dan pinched his lips in concern and took the menu back. “Alright.”

               Phil jumped when the women returned, coming up from behind him. Dan gripped his hand and pinned it to the table. At first Phil thought it was because he was trying to comfort him, but the boys hold was rather rough and he looked down to find a fork held tightly in his own fist. He stared it at in horror all the while Dan ordered their food. When the waitress left Dan didn’t let go of his hand for several more seconds.

               “Sorry.” Phil mumbled and dropped the silverware like it had the plague.

               “Maybe we need to practice everyday things like this. Soon.” Dan said, staring at him intently and released his hand.

               “I don’t understand, none of this bothers you at all?”

               Dan’s shoulders relaxed and he leaned forward. “It bothers me more than you’ll ever know Phil. The difference is, I have years of this being normal. But when I hear something, like whatever the hell is happening in the kitchen right now,” a look of frustration shows itself on his face and he squirms in his seat, “I can’t help but hear the cell doors opening and my brain immediately tries to put me in fight mode. Or a few days ago in the city when people were shouting and laughing, I felt like I was back in the arena with a cheering crowd.  Your instincts are just finer tuned than mine. But yes Phil, being here bothers me too.”

               Phil can see the genuineness in Dan’s expressions. He’d just been so focused on his own fear that he hadn’t noticed the burn of it in Dan. He needed to get out of his own head.

               “Alright. It’s nice to know I’m not the only crazy one here I guess.”

               Dan smiled. “Not crazy Phil. We’re just paranoid. And rightfully so.”

               The meal arrived and they ate every bit of egg, every drop of syrup, and every crumb of bacon. While they ate, they talked about where they would be going next. From here they had no idea what to expect. Now they had to figure their own way to the little town on the map. They scrutinized the paper and only thanks to Dan, came up with a sort of plan.

               Despite their talk, Phil was grateful to be out of the diner. Dan stopped a carriage and bribed a man into taking them as far as he was going. He wasn’t happy about it, no one in this tiny town seemed very happy. The break from walking was nice. All Phil had to do was watch the landscape slowly slide past him. The view and the movement of the carriage jostling them back and forth was relaxing and for the first time Phil found himself at ease.

               The driver stopped late that night to rest. After realizing that Dan and Phil were not going to be causing him any problems or delays, he didn’t seem to care at all that they were there. He mumbled a goodnight and slept under the carriage while Dan and Phil stayed in the back. It drizzled lightly at some point in the night and sleep wasn’t easy, but it was better than nothing. As the rain soaked them, Phil listened to the crickets chirping and the horse grazing a few feet away. If he really paid attention, he could hear a shallow creek trickling in the distance. He could smell the wet grass and road thickening to mud. His thumb rubbed against Dan’s arm every so often and he wondered what the boy was thinking about. Was he thinking about how if they were in their cell right now, they’d be praying they weren’t part of the group that would fighting in the mud the next day?

Thinking of the arena brought so many feelings in Phil he never thought he’d have about the place. Like the fact that even though they were worrying for their lives, at least they’d be dry, and fed for the most part. He realized quickly though that they were just confused thoughts his brain was having because the arena had been home for so long. It had been all he knew. It made since in some weird way he’d miss it.

His fingers ran over a thick scar on Dan’s arm and he breathed out.  Of course it was a good thing they were out of there. If they weren’t here then Phil would be dead, and so would Dan for that matter. Phil would have killed him. The thought makes his hands twitch as if the dagger were still in his hands, bracing the tip of the blade against Dan’s back. Phil closed his eyes and turned so he was on his side facing Dan. Since the day he’d met him the boy always slept in a tight ball. He looked so much smaller this way.

The more time Phil spent in the outside world, the more memories from his first ten years of life came back. He could almost remember his mothers face. She’d had brunette hair with the slightest twinge of red around her face when the sun shown at it right. He remembered her smiling down at him, freckles littering her nose and cheeks. He couldn’t quite see her eyes though, and the rest of her was blurred. His father had always been easy to remember. He could still see his stone face watching as Phil was taken along by the arm away from him, looking back in confusion and fear. His father had never explained to him where he was going, just that it needed to be done and he would be remembered by the family for his brave sacrifice. But kids don’t care about being a brave sacrifice. They care about playing and laughing. There was none of that in the arena. Even as a child there when he wasn’t old enough to fight and they were trying to figure out what to do with him. He was always alone. He recalls now how often Glen came to see him. The man would sneak a toy into the cell and make Phil promise to hide it from everyone, or play a quick card came with him through the bars. At the time Phil felt like it was weeks between times that he’d have fun moments like that with Glen but now that he was old enough to look back he realized it had been quite often. Phil could also now realize why Glen would shush him if he got even a little excited at winning a game, or why he was always looking over his shoulder. He was never supposed to do any of those things.

Phil was not going to get any sleep that night. His mind was too far gone in the land of memories. He’d have to hope for a somewhat gentle ride tomorrow so he could sleep on the go.

 

That’s exactly what Phil did. Moments after taking off in the morning Phil fell asleep, rocking back and forth in the carriage. His sleep was dreamless and deep and he awoke only when a familiar voice tugged him from the peaceful world.

               Phil looked up groggily and groaned at a spike of pain in his back from where his spine rubbed against the wood.

               “Heya sleepy head.” Dan smiled down at him.

               “What time is it?” Phil grumbled.

               “About two in the afternoon. We have to get out here.”

               That’s when Phil heard the familiar sounds of a city. His body tensed and Dan looked at him pitifully. “Okayt.” His stomach growled and he clutched at his abdomen. It’d been twenty-four hours since they ate last.

               “Me too.” Dan admitted. “Let’s get some food.”

               After some searching, they decided on some sandwiches from a cheap deli. They wanted to make their money last as long as possible. Who knew how long it would end up taking them to get to their destination? Their plan was to stay in a motel that night and leave the next morning after purchasing multiple sandwiches and a few other small nonperishable food items.

               To get to the motel they had to pass through an enormous crowd that had apparently gathered together for some festival. Tables were set up on either side of the street and people constantly bumped into one another. Phil kept a hand clutched around Dan’s arm so they wouldn’t lose one another in the chaos. Dan lead the way, patiently pushing through the bodies. The noise was deafening. Phil concentrated on breathing slowly. It felt like bees were buzzing around in his skull. Between the constant skin on skin contact and the sun blazing down on them so soon after it had rained, Phil felt like he was burning alive. The humid air and his nerves made sweat drip down the back of his legs.

               They reached a small open area in the center of the crowd and took advantage of the break. Dan looked back to check on Phil who smiled weakly.

               “Almost there.” Dan tried his best to comfort him, but it was obvious they were both overwhelmed and desperate to be in a silent dark room. For a moment they just stood there, looking around like lost tourists. Phil hadn’t been paying attention to any of the merchandise they passed by, but his eyes stopped at a man showing a group of people a large blanket. A middle-aged women in the group gave him a few coins and he folded the blanket, handing it to her with an ecstatic grin. Phil thought of the cold couple of nights they’d had.

               “Hey Dan? I don’t know how much we have left but I think one of those would be good to have.” He pointed to where the man was taking down another blanket and letting people pet it as they walked by.

               “A blanket? That’s actually a really good thought.” Dan agreed.

               “You stay here, I’ll go get one.” Phil offered.

               Dan looked at him unsurely. “Are you sure?”

               “I have to try at some point right?” He shrugged. Dan turned around so Phil could dig around in the backpack for the money pouch. Dan had spent a little time yesterday teaching him how to count the coins. Phil thought he remembered enough for this.

               “I’ll stay right here okay?” Dan promised.

               “Okay.” Phil felt some anxiety leaving Dan behind, even if he would still be in sight. Warily, Phil approached the booth. He could not be invisible here. To buy a blanket, he’d had have to make it known. The man at the booth caught his eye and smiled gleefully.

               “Would you like to purchase a blanket? They are made from alpaca! Strong, sturdy, warm, easy to wash and inexpensive!” He named his price and Phil tried to picture the coins that he would need.

               “Y-yes, I would like one.”

               “Well then! You decided so quickly! Which would you like? Color preference? I have smaller ones as well if that’s what you would like.” The mans shuffled through a stack of blankets.

               “I’ll take that one.” Phil pointed to a random blanket in the stack with an orange pattern. While the man pulled it out Phil dug around in the coin purse trying to find the right amount. His hands shook and he felt his flight mode desperately wanting to kick in. The man spun around, intending to unfold the blanket and show Phil the design. Instead, Phil grabbed it, essentially ripping it from the stranger’s hands and tucked it under his arm. He offered his hand to the man who stared at him strangely and accepted the money. Without waiting to see if he’d done it right Phil turned on his heel and sped walked back to Dan. He breathed a sigh of relief once he’d returned.

               “Everything went okay?” Dan asked, turning so Phil could put the money back in the bag.

               “I think so. I didn’t wait to find out.” Phil zipped the money in the first pocket.

               Dan snorted. “Well jeese, I hope you didn’t give him half our money then.”

               “Don’t think so.” Phil said but internally his guilt gnawed. What if he had given too much and they wouldn’t have enough to get to the town? All well, it was all over. Nothing to do about it now. “Can we please get out of here.” Phil pleaded.

               They took no more breaks the rest of the way. The crowd eventually thinned out but there was still the constant noise of the city. It all rubbed at Phil’s already raw nerves. He felt like a zombie walking through the streets. A part of him that developed in the arena, the part that always had to stay alert, couldn’t be summoned. He always depended on that side of him to keep him and Dan safe. What was he was supposed to do if something happened? What could even happen though? He asked himself. They’d been wondering around for days now and nothing bad had really happened. He was just paranoid, like Dan said in the diner.

               Dan seemed slightly more put together than Phil, but not much. He too wasn’t paying attention to their surroundings. They were so focused on getting to the motel and getting into the room where they’d lock the door and stay there for as long as they wanted. Hell, they could stay for a few days if they wanted. The idea was beautiful.

               By the time they reached the motel it was starting to get dark. Lights were flipping on, streets were emptying in some parts and filling in others. Horses rested in small fields attached to homes and cars parked. The people that were out were walking.

               This motel was much larger than the other they’d stayed in. They stood at the counter under a covering, Dan making the arrangements.

               “Payment first.” The women behind the desk said.

               “Right.” Dan swung the backpack off and dug through the bag. After taking a minute he looked up and apologized. “Um, Phil? Where do you put the money after getting the blanket?”

               “Right here.” Phil opened the first pocket and stuck his hand in. Nothing. There was nothing there.

               “Are you sure-”

               “Yes I’m sure. I know I put it right here.” Phil peered into the opening. It was empty. “You didn’t take it out since then?” He looked up at Dan who shook his head slowly. Dan’s cheeks burned red in panic.

               “Phil, that pocket wasn’t zipped when I was looking for the money.”

               “I swear I zipped it.” Phil’s heart flipped.

               “No money, no room.” The women said, leaning back against the wall with a bored expression.

               Dan stepped to the side and got on a knee. Phil followed suit and together they took everything out of the bag. They found nothing. No money. Not even a small coin. Phil sat down, feeling officially broken. Dan rubbed at his face and groaned.

               “I’m so sorry Dan.” There was nothing else for him to say.

               “This is why I always put the money in the big pocket. It’s harder to get to. Someone must have been walking behind us, unzipped that pocket, and took the money.” There was irritation in Dan’s tone and Phil felt a piece of himself split.

               “I’m sorry Dan. I didn’t know. I didn’t even think about it. I was just trying to get out of there. I’m so sorry.”

               Dan was silent for a moment, staring blankly at the ground. “It’s okay.” He said quietly. But Phil knew the stress and fear now coursing through him and it had all been Phil’s fault. What would they do now? Dan stood, slinging the backpack over a shoulder. “We’ll just have to find somewhere to sleep for tonight. We’ll figure out everything in the morning. It’s a good thing we got that blanket.”

               They walked several blocks in the increasing darkness before finding a store that had enough cover to keep them dry if it rained. The ground was hard as they tried to get comfortable. Dan leaned against the building and Phil against Dan. The blanket wrapped around them both and the backpack under it between them. It was going to be a rough night. Phil was just glad to be resting. He hoped by morning Dan would look him in the eyes again.

 

Phil felt something poking at his shoulder early the morning. He groaned and tried to turn away only to find his movements were very limited and he was quite sore.

               “Sir, wake up. Please, take this.”

               At the sound of a human Phil was wide awake. He sat abruptly in a panic, causing Dan to wake as well.

               “I hate to wake you, but I wanted to give this to you.”

               Phil’s sight cleared and he found himself staring at an outstretched hand. He gazed up at the person, a young girl of maybe thirteen years. She was holding out a hand to him. He stared at it in confusion.

               “Here, take it.” She encouraged, pushing her hand toward him.

               Dan reached past Phil and held his hand open. The girl poured a small handful of money into it.

               “That is very kind of you. Thank you so much.” Dan said with appreciativeness. She smiled down at him and ran off. Phil looked over at Dan who was staring blankly at the coins in his hand. Guilt wracked at Phil again. It was all they had. Dan placed his hand on Phil’s forearm.

               “It’s okay. We’ll figure something out. I never thought I’d have to be a beggar but…It might at least get us something to eat.” Dan tucked the money into his front pocket.

               Dan seemed a little more relaxed today than he was last night, but Phil felt no better.

 

               After buying a few pastries to settle their grumbling stomach they started down the main street where Dan said they could sit on the side of the road and pray people gave them a coin here and there. First thought, they came across a small brick store tucked in between some of the larger ones. It simply read “Pawn” on the outside and Dan stopped in front of it.

               “I have an idea Phil.” The boy smiled and snorted a laugh. He removed the backpack from his shoulder and dug through until he found a familiar item. He held up the gold bracelet that had gotten him to where he currently was.

               “The bracelet?” Phil asked, not understanding.

               “I can pawn it. They’ll give us money for it.”

               Phil’s eyes widened. “Really?”

               Dan jerked his head toward the store. “Come on.”

               A bell rung above them as they walked inside. There was an old, dusty kind of smell that wasn’t too far from what the long hallways in the arena smelled like. Phil could almost picture himself being led down the narrow, stone walled halls.

               “Phil? You coming?” Dan called.

               “Right, sorry.” He caught up to him at the counter where a big bellied bald man stood wearing a torn up leathered jacket.

               “I’d like to pawn this.” Dan leaned on the counter and held out the bracelet.

               The man quirked his brows at them and blew out a breath. “Pocket pickers are ya?”

               “Uh, well. No actually.” Dan started, but there was no use in explaining.

               “Mmhm.” The man looked over the bracelet for a several moments. After his investigation of it he reached under the desk and counted a few coins out on the table. “That’s what I’ll give ya.”

               Dan looked down at the money. Phil couldn’t count them as fast as everyone else so he was a little behind, but he knew it wasn’t much.

               “Come on. It’s worth so much more than that.” Dan threw his hands in the air desperately.

               “Yeah, it is. And I need to make money too. So, take one or the other and go somewhere else.”

               “Give me ten more.” Dan demanded.

               The man glared at him, unimpressed. He sighed and tucked the bracelet in his pocket. “Fine.” He clanked a few more coins on to the table and turned away. “Now leave before you take something from my shop.”

               Dan scooped the coins into his pocket and they left.

               “Thank you!” Phil yelled behind them. “So how much?” He asked once they were back on the road.

               “Enough for a few days food so that’s good. But I still think we should stay here a few days, try to get a bit more. The next place we go to might not have enough people willing to give their own money to a couple of scarred up skinny beggars.”

               Anything was fine with Phil. He just felt better knowing they had _something._ They wouldn’t starve. Not yet anyway.

               For four days they sat on the roadside, baking under the sun. They slept on the pavement outside of shops at night and ate nothing but pastries. There was the one time someone had given them each a hot dog. It tasted like the most incredible thing Phil had ever eaten in his life. It was gone and digested far to quickly. They made some money, not a lot. Enough to let them keep eating but it would take weeks at the very least to get even half of what Glen had given them. There would be no motels on the way to their destination. That was for certain. That also meant no showers, no privacy, and no proper rest.

               On the fifth day of their begging a man approached. He didn’t seem as disgusted with them as some others had and his closer proximity caught Phil and Dan’s attention. They looked at him from their spot on the concrete against a wall. He smiled down at them and crouched down to their level, balancing on his toes. Dan gripped onto their backpack with both hands unsurely and Phil stayed on edge. For several seconds he just kneeled there, staring at them with this smile. He was middle aged, quite handsome and put together. He had a hat on that blocked the sun from his face and revealed bright green confident eyes.

               “You boys look rough.”

               Neither responded. What could they say? Of course they looked rough. If the man only knew.

               “How do you guys feel about working for your money?” He looked from Dan to Phil and the two looked at one another.

               “Work?” Dan repeated.

               “Yeah!” The man laughed. “Ever heard of it?”

               “What kind of work?” Phil asked. He didn’t exactly have experience with anything but if it meant getting out of this city faster, he’d do anything.

               “Depends on what you’re good at. I know a few places that you could go to. Though neither of you look strong enough at the moment to lift hay bales.”

               The thought of having to lift anything right then made Phil’s body feel as heavy as lead. He shook his head and looked down. “What else?”

               “I need someone to watch my shop but to be quite honest with the way you look I couldn’t allow that. Ever heard of The Grizzly?” He asked.

               “We’re not exactly from here.” Dan said.

               “Mmm. Well that’s where I do. Feel free to stop in. I’m sure we can find something for you boys.” The man leans closer and looks from side to side as if about to tell a secret. “The Grizzly is really just a cover for my real work. Fighting.”

               “Fighting?” Phil perked up at that.

               The man leaned back again, bouncing on his toes. He smiled gleefully. “People come from all over to fight the best of the best. What I’m getting at is I could use a couple of trustworthy people to help me down there. Could I trust you with money? You good with it?”

               “The fighters get paid?” Phil asked, an idea was coming to fruition.

               “Phil…I hope you’re not thinking of-”

               “Oh yeah, they get paid. They get paid the big money.” The man nodded enthusiastically.

               “I don’t know about money, but I can fight.” Phil said easily.

               The man’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”

               “Really.” Phil said simply.

               “No Phil. We’ll think of something else. _Anything_ else.” Dan said sharply.

               “Well, who am I to judge. Either way I could use your help there. Four blocks south of here and you’ll see the place on the left. Tell them Grizz sent you. We open at ten pm.” The man stood. He still looked amused and it bothered Phil a bit. He’d killed men and here this man was looking at him like a petty broken child. He could fight. In fact, fighting might be the only thing he was good at and if it made him and Dan money then why not? “If you boys really do plan on fighting, you’re going to need to get a good meal or two in you. Here, go to that restaurant and use this.” Grizz handed them a few bills.

               “T-thank you!” Dan exclaimed, counting the money excitedly.

               With that, the man was gone and Phil was left itching to just _go_. His fingers twitched at his side as if aching to clutch a knife in them. It felt like just yesterday he was in the arena fighting. This would be no different. And he always won. The people he’d go against here would be nothing compared to what he was used to. They couldn’t be.

               “Oh my God you’re actually thinking of going aren’t you?” Dan scoffed.

               Phil looked at him with furrowed brows. “Why not? We’re good at it Dan. We could get out of here sooner.”

               “If we win the fights you mean. And when I say we, I mean you, because I’m not fighting Phil. Never again.”

               “I will win. I’ve always won.”

               “Wrong. You won because there were a dozen people with arrows pointed at anyone who might beat you.”

               Phil was hurt at that and pointed defensively at himself. “That was only when I was fighting with you Dan. I won my own battles out there. I made myself a Hero. The arena didn’t do that.”

               Dan pursed his lips. “Maybe but this won’t be the same. Not one bit.”

               Phil shrugged. “Fighting is fighting.”

               “No it is not!” Dan rolled his eyes and gestured angrily. A few people glanced at them warily and he forced his voice lower. “This won’t be fighting to the _death._ There probably won’t even be weapons. Can you really beat someone with just your fists?”

               There had been a few times Phil was thrown into the arena with nothing but his fists. He’d still won. “You’re just making this sound easier with every word.”

               Dan groaned and buried his face into his hands. “I don’t want you to fight Phil.” He mumbled. I never want to see you fight again.” The boys voice drained of anger and was pure agony now. Phil’s chest clenched. So that was the real reason Dan didn’t want to do this. How could he not have even considered how Dan might feel about him fighting again?

               “Oh Dan.” He pulled Dan’s hands from his face and into a hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that.”

               Dan clung to him as though they were back in the arena and had just survived another fight. “I can’t Phil. I can’t bear to think of you in a fight again. We’re out of the arena Phil. We are out! I don’t want to go back in. Please.” He pleaded with everything he had. Phil could feel his tormented soul, imagine the memories coming back to him.

               “Okay, I understand. We won’t go. We’ll come up with something else. He said there were other jobs. Maybe if we can clean ourselves up we’ll have a chance.”

               Relief cascaded off Dan and they pulled apart. “Thank you. Oh God, thank you.”

               Phil smiled at him and pushed his brown hair from his face. “Let’s start with some real food.”


	5. Waking Up the Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't control  
> The other side of me  
> Now I'm afraid  
> That I am waking up the ghost  
> I'm digging up the memories  
> That were dead to me  
> Now, now I'm getting close  
> Closer to the enemy  
> That's inside of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter but it just felt right. I didn't feel up to editing this right now, I'm sorrryyyy. I'll get to it eventually lol. Thank you for your understanding!

For two nights Phil slept in agitation. He woke up several times a night knowing him and Dan’s chance of getting out of this place or at least into a motel room was just a few blocks away. He fought himself each time knowing the betrayal Dan would feel if he went. It kept nagging at him though. He didn’t know how much money he’d win in a fight but perhaps he’d only need to win one or two for what they needed. It was his fault they were in this position. If he could make it up to Dan by making a large amount of money quickly he might be able to forgive himself.

               Phil looked down at Dan. His head rested on a piece of the blanket so that it wasn’t directly on the hard ground. Even in his sleep the boy had a look of discomfort on his face. They needed a real night’s sleep. They needed to clean up. They’d felt like hollow bodies the last several days.

               Making up his mind, he carefully lifted the blanket and stood, making sure Dan and the backpack was covered. With any luck he’d be back soon with all the money they’d need. It was only midnight. He imagined he still had plenty of time. With one last look at Dan Phil jogged around the corner.

 

Finding The Grizzly was easy enough. It was illuminated and loud music poured from the open windows. Phil found himself more nervous than he’d expected when he opened the front door. The music vibrated his ear drums and he had to work against covering them. He looked around, not sure where he needed to go next. The room was dark and full of smoke. Groups of people sat at various tables around the small place. They drank and laughed and played card games. Phil saw someone at the bar and headed there. He leaned awkwardly against the counter as she approached.

               “What can I get you?” She asked.

               Phil looked away and shuffled his feet. “I talked to Grizz a couple of days ago. I’m here for the fighting.”

               The women raised both eyebrows and sighed. “Follow me.” She came around the counter and Phil followed her back outside. They went to the side of the building where several stairs lead to a black painted door. He stayed at the top of the stairs while the women knocked loudly against the door. It opened and she nodded Phil in. Without another word she walked away and Phil was left to enter the building on his own.

               He stepped past a scrawny old man holding the door open. The music here was loud as well and Phil tried desperately to push from his brain. If that hadn’t been enough the huge crowd of bodies just inside the door made him want to leave too. He nearly turned right around, but just above their heads he could see an empty spot in the center of the room where a man was pummeling another with his fists. There was blood on them both and the crowd cheered louder every time the sound of skin punched skin.

               Phil stepped to the side a ways to watch the fight. The losing man seemed to have a head injury and blood pooled at his scalp. It was easy to tell that he had no chance at this point. The winning man had him in a headlock and in a few seconds Phil saw a thousand ways he could truly end the fight. Like Dan has said though, these were fights were not to the death. This was in fact going to be different. A few seconds later the two released one another and took several steps back. The winner held his hands up and the triumphant yells got louder. He was handed a thin pile of money and both men left the circle. The crowd separated and two more stepped in.

               Phil realized also that there was no space to run. This was strictly face to face fighting. He would not be able to run and whip around to get his enemy by surprise. In fact, as the two began kicking and punching and throwing their bodies at one another, he was shocked the crowd wasn’t getting hit too. They moved with the competitors.

               This match lasted longer and there was less blood. The two seemed to be less experienced and more careful with their movements. Phil almost wanted to laugh at their fear but then he remembered the true fear he’d seen on Dan’s face the first time they came face to face. These two situations couldn’t be more different. No one was fighting for their lives here. Everyone was here willingly. Phil’s feelings were split in half. Part of him thought this would be a piece of cake. Another part though was afraid of this unfamiliarity.

               The winner was given much less money than the first fighters he’d observed. Was it based on how exciting you made it?

               “Alright everyone! We’re going to head into the final part of our evening!”

               Phil flinched at the abruptness of someone yelling into an amplifier. Final part? Was it almost over?

               “I know it’s everyone’s favorite!” The room got a little quieter and the announcer lowered his voice. “The weapons round. Everyone ready?” The screaming started again.

               Weapons? Phil could certainly do weapons. This was his chance. 

               “Anyone that wants to participate come up!”

               Phil watched as a couple of the previous fighters made their way up. He followed behind, his heart pounding.

               “As we get everything started let me state the rules. 1) No knives, spears, or anything sharp. 2) You have one minute, unless things are interesting then maybe we’ll let you keep it going. 3) No groin kicks. And finally, please no killing your opponent.” The room laughed but Phil’s heart flipped. What would everyone here say if they knew only once had he _not_ killed an opponent?

               Phil reached the stand. A short women stood there, the announcer just behind her. “Name?” She asked.

               “Phil.”

               “And that’s what you want to go with?”

               Phil furrowed his brows in confusion. “Y-yes?”

               She snorted. “Alright then. Phil it is. Weapon?”

               When Phil didn’t immediately say anything, she glanced up. “Um, nothing.” The women stared at him, criticizing in every sense of the word. Phil had a plan, he really did. He wasn’t being dumb.

               “You want to go into a weapon fight, without a weapon?”

               “Not really but it’s my only choice.”

               “Look, you look like a nice guy. Nice guys don’t belong here. Go stand in the corner.”

               Someone stepped up beside Phil. Phil looked over and recognized Grizz instantly. “Just let him fight Mar. We’ve got nothing that says he needs a weapon in a weapon fight. Let him play.” The man said in his relaxed manner.

               Mar, as he’d called her, sighed heavily. “If you say so boss.” She looked at Phil. “You’re in the second round.”

               “I won’t disappoint.” Phil promised her. She just shook her head and called for the next person. Phil turned to Grizz. “Thanks for that.”

               Grizz shrugged. “If you’re willing to go into a weapon fight with nothing, I know two things. You’ve got balls and bravery. With that combo you at least deserve a chance. Nice to see you here Phil.” He winked and walked off to talk to someone.

               Phil stood against the wall. He had a perfect view of the fight that was about to begin. One man held a short sturdy stick that looked as though it had beaten a few heads in and the other held a rope loosely at his side. They stood opposite of one another and tensed their bodies. A countdown began.

               Unlike the other fights he’d seen thus far, this one started immediately. The competitors seemed to be fired up and ready to go. The guy with the stick went straight to jam it into his opponents’ stomach but it was easily dodged. If Phil were in this fight and a stick, he’d try to stay more at a distance. The rope had more of an advantage here. The man with the rope was more patient. He let himself be beat with the stick multiple times but it tired his opponent quickly. He wrapped the rope around the others ankle when he went in for a kick and both ended up on the ground. In seconds the rope was unwound from the ankle and instead around his neck. The man dropped his stick in a panic and tried to keep the rope from suffocating him. They only let it go a few more moments and then the fight was stopped. The man with the rope was named the winner and handed money.

               “Next up!”

               Phil’s heart beat violently in his chest as he stepped into the circle. A man across the way stepped in a second later. Phil had seen a lot of men like him in the arena. Arrogant, muscled, unafraid. His shirt was off, revealing his toned body. He was already covered in sweat, likely from previous matches. He had a chain dangling from his fist that skimmed just above the ground. At first glance Phil imagined it looked ridiculous to see himself across from this man. But Phil’s face was a stone and his body knew exactly what to do. It readied himself as they stood there. His nerves dissipated at how familiar this all felt. He decided then to remove his shirt, something he never did in the arena because any bit of armor, even a thin t-shirt, might be useful. Now though, he didn’t feel the extra layer was necessary. And outwardly, the scars littering his body were the only evidence of his skill. The crowed quieted a little when his shirt was tossed aside. They obviously hadn’t been expecting anything but the proof was there that Phil had been in a fight or two before. The air changed in the room and the crowd began pumping their fists in the air excitedly.

               The man across from Phil smirked. “A few scars don’t mean much boy. You really going to fight without a weapon?”

               “Well, unfortunately I forgot to bring one.” Phil said simply.

               “That was a mistake.”

               “Probably. But it’s okay, I’ll just use yours.”

               The countdown began and Phil grounded his feet.

 

 

**Dan**

 

Dan knew the moment he woke up without Phil against him where he’d gone. He rubbed at his eyes and cursed repeatedly. He was aware of how tempted Phil was when that stranger had brought up the fighting. It was all Phil had ever known, of course it had interested him. The image of Phil fighting had been burned into Dan’s memory and he’d never wanted to see it again. Out of the arena, Dan was certain that was all behind them. He couldn’t believe he was forced with having to deal with idea of Phil getting injured from another human. It made Dan want to cry and scream all the same time. A part of him had believed that Phil would let it go. He’d obviously been wrong.

               Dan slung the backpack on and grumbled in irritation as he headed toward the place Grizz had described to them. On the outside he was all anger but inside, he was terrified. Memories of knives and clubs and arrows were flashing through his mind. He groaned pitifully at the images that he’d tried so hard to erase.

               After going one block too far, backtracking, ignoring insults the people in The Grizzly called after him as he approached the bar, he finally made it to the fight seen. He took one step into the smoke filled room full of enthusiastic onlookers and instantly his heart dropped. Just like his worst nightmares, Phil was in the center of the crowd. Dan watched as he dove for the ground, colliding with it hard before standing up behind his opponent. Dan cursed a million times over and shoved his way to the front of the group.

               Phil was shirtless, exposing the scars covering his back and arms. He was drenched in sweat, his hair plastered to his scalp. He had fresh wounds on both of his arms. They weren’t bad but blood oozed from them. Besides those Dan could see marks where something had rubbed the skin around his thighs raw and there were welts that nearly encircled his entire body. As soon as he saw the chain Phil held in his right hand Dan knew where the welts must of come from.

               Normally the sight of Phil’s scars only brought back horrible memories from Dan. Right now though, he couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride at the fact that Phil had survived each and every one of those moments. When you compared his body to his opponents, you almost laughed. It was obvious who the more experienced one was.

               Phil swung the chain in several rotations at his side, building momentum before slamming it against the others back. He grunted in pain but his face contorted to show that it hurt far worse than he let off. He held a rope in his own hand. Dan couldn’t imagine the purpose of it until he saw seconds too late what his plan was. Phil must have too and tried to leap backwards. The man jumped towards him, slamming into him and next thing Dan knew the rope was around Phil’s neck.

               “No!” He screamed. Memories flooded his brain. The people in the room were hollering excitedly, everyone was pressed together, the man choking Phil had a proud look on his face, and the chain in Phil’s hand beat against the ground as he tried to free himself. All of it was too familiar. The crowds excited by violence, fighting, sweat and tears. Even the chain made Dan think of the sound made when predators were released into the arena. His vision blurred from black to visions of the arena. His heart flipped the way it did when adrenaline surged through him. The fighter and protector in him took over and in an instant he dropped the backpack and was running toward the duo. He snatched a long stick from someone’s hand as he passed them in crowd and shoved his way through.

 

**Phil**

 

From above Phil heard his opponent cry out. The rope around his throat was released and took in a deep breath. It hadn’t been overly tight but enough to shut off his breathing for a few seconds. He whipped around, thinking he now had his chance. But he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Dan over the mans body beating his head in with the blunt end of a stick. The crowed was gasping in shock and horror.

               Shaking himself free Phil dove forward and grabbed the hand Dan was using to pummel the guy. “Dan! Dan stop!” But Dan was gone. Phil had seen that look on his face time and time again in past battles and right now Dan was in the arena. Several people in the crowd including Grizz jumped into the brawl and everyone started pulling at Dans limbs. It wasn’t ideal and Phil knew how trapped Dan felt right now but it was the only way.

               Once the men had pulled him several feet back, Dan still screaming and kicking, Phil knelt in front of him.

               “Let him go, let him go! He’s my friend! I can handle this.” He urged them. They hesitated at first. “Let him go now!” Phil demanded and finally Dans limbs were freed. Phil laid a hand on Dans shoulder and another on his cheek to force his furious gaze from the motionless guy on the ground and to his own eyes instead.

               “Dan, Dan, I’m right here. It’s okay. I’m fine.”

               Dan’s eye met his and his arm came up to grip onto Phil’s wrist. “He was going to kill you. He was going to kill you.” Dan said through ragged quick breaths. His entire body was trembling.

               “I’m fine. It was just a fight. He wasn’t going to kill me and look? No broken bones. Not even a little…” He was going to say blood but then he noticed the scrapes on his arm. “Okay, a little bit of blood but it doesn’t even hurt. Just a few scratches.”

               Dan reached a hand out to run it along the chain link shaped welts around his torso.

               “Alright, that one hurt a little but it’ll be gone in a couple days.” Phil looked up at the whispering crowd. Everyone had gone quiet. Grizz took a hesitant step from the crowd. Phil held up his hand. “We’re leaving. I’m so sorry about this. Is he okay?” Phil jerked his head toward his opponent still lying on the ground.

               “Check him will you.” Grizz asked someone. A young man watched Dan nervously as he knelt down and checked the man’s pulse. The man groaned and flopped his head to the other side. There was defiantly blood coming from his scalp and he’d been knocked out but at least he was alive.

               “He’s good. But we should probably wrap it to stop the bleeding.” The kid said.

               Grizz rubbed at his face. “Alright. I’ll walk you guys out.”

               Phil helped Dan to his feet. He pushed the boy’s hair from his eyes and lead him out with an arm around his waist. He could still feel his shuddering breaths, but he was calming down. On their way out Phil spotted their backpack and picked it up. Outside, the subtle night chill made Phil shiver as it met his sweat covered body.

               “I am so sorry about this Grizz.” Phil repeated.

               “It’s fine Phil. The guy will be alright and it wasn’t your fault. How could you know your friend would go berserk?” Grizz laughed harshly.

               Phil looked at Dan. He still didn’t seem to be in the present. He looked like the scared innocent boy that had walked into the arena opposite of Phil that first day they met. He always got this way after a fight. He’d disappear into himself and become a vulnerable terrified mess for days.

               “I shouldn’t have come. He didn’t want me to and I should have listened.”

               “Don’t say that. You made money didn’t you?” Grizz gave his shoulder a slap and Dan lifted his head, his eyes darting quickly toward the man. Grizz held his hands up. “Sorry.”

               “Thanks for your help. We’ll be leaving pretty soon now.”

               “No problem. Seeing you two in the streets looking like that and knowing what you had to go through in the arena battles not that long ago, I couldn’t just walk by.”

               Phil froze at his words. “W-what did you say?”   

               Grizz rubbed at the back of his neck. “Yeah…I knew who you were the second I saw you sitting there. I’d watched you guys in multiple battles. I was quite a fan but I’m sure that’s not exactly the thing you want to hear.”

               Phil was dumbfounded. Dan had gone still beside him as well and watched Grizz unsurely. He glanced up briefly at Phil.

               “What? You didn’t think I would just stroll up to a couple of bums on the side of the road and invite to an underground fighting ring, did you? Not just anyone can go into that basement.” He laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. A haircut didn’t exactly disguise you two.”

               “Why didn’t you turn us in?”

               Grizz shrugged and held his hands out innocently. “I don’t know. I figure it this way, you guys survived battle after battle. And just when everyone thought it was over you _escaped_. That’s never happened before. You survived through all of that and made it out here into the real world. I’m not big into God but he must think something of you two and I’m not one step in the way of a second chance like you were given.”

               Phil was quiet for a moment. “Thanks.” He said muttered. There wasn’t much else to say.

               “Go on now. Go off to wherever you’re headed. Be safe. Maybe keep a close eye on him.” He nodded toward Dan who looked sheepish now that his blood wasn’t flowing so quickly. “And take this with you.” He handed Phil a money purse and Phil’s eyes opened.

               “What? Why?” He tried to hand it back bur Grizz stepped back.

               “You never got paid for your fights in the arena, right?”

               Phil furrowed his brows. “No.”

               “Consider this payment for your wins or something. I want to help.” Grizz turned around to walk back down to the fighting room. “Some of us in the world are kind Phil, I promise.” With that, the door opened, and he disappeared inside.

               Phil turned the small bag in his hang. Dan took it, holding it as if to weigh the amount. “Oh my God.” He held it to his chest and sighed in relief.

               “We can add this to it too.” Phil reached into his pocket and held out a wad of money. Dan’s eyes widened.

               “You won all of that?”

               Phil smiled. “I did.”

               “So…can we stay in a room tonight then?” Dan seemed to be begging. He’d been the one taking the lead since they walked outside of Maddy’s house, but he was still in his vulnerable state. This is why they worked so well together. When one was weak, the other was strong. They balanced one another perfectly.

               “Yes please.” Phil laughed. Dan leaned in and sniffed Phil’s arm, his face contorting.

               “You need a shower anyway. You stink.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the kind comments! It encourages me to keep writing ;)


	6. Piece by Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whenever you're close to me  
> You feel like the sun  
> And everyday you’re telling me  
> I am the one  
> I am the one who makes you shine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite a fluffy chapter. It was much needed to reach the end of the story. I think everyone would agree Dan and Phil need some much needed healing time. Hope you enjoy :)

Dan and Phil went to the nearest motel and decided they had no energy to even take a shower. They collapsed on the bed, the feeling of a mattress beneath feeling foreign after the hard ground. They melted into it and immediately fell asleep.

               They didn’t wake till late that day. They took a long much needed shower where Dan did in fact show Phil how much fun they could be when shared. They ate a hardy meal that left them stuffed and content and then found carriage that would take them as close as possible to the next town.

               They spent the next three days sleeping in the back of carriages, wrapped up in their blanket at night to keep warm and eating whatever food stops they passed by on the road. The stops in between hours of being rocked roughly back and forth were often longer than they would have liked but they didn’t even think of complaining about it. They were on their way again, they were eating, they weren’t begging on the streets or fighting beneath bars. Considering where their lives could be right then, they were happy.

The time it took to get to their next destination was good for Dan. He was able to relax again with Phil beside him every second. It was what they’d gotten used to and anything else caused anxiety. Phil hoped once they finally got to wherever Glen was leading them, they’d both be able to settle down. It would take time but time and space were all they wanted. What they needed really. They hadn’t yet been able to properly process where their lives had taken them. It was an important next step in order for them to heal. After that…well Phil couldn’t even fathom what would happen after that. His imagination had never allowed to think that far ahead.

The next place they stayed was right on the edge of a mid-sized town. It had things like stores and parks nearby and cars and horses rode by regularly but there were no large buildings, loud music didn’t play constantly. The people were more docile, and no one rushed about which made walking on the streets easier for Phil to handle.

They’d decided to stay for several days. They were getting very close to the small town on Glens map. It was only about a seven-day ride from where they were. Some time to catch their breath and relax would be beneficial. Their plan was to go straight through after these few rest days. No stops, no resting. Just get to their destination.

Phil was lying on his back on their bed, hands resting across his stomach as he took in the sounds coming from outside. Dogs barked, kids played, horses hooves clomped on the roads, and insects buzzed. It was early summer. The smell of flowers and grass wafted through the open window. The sun shone through just far enough to warm his feet at the end of the bed. He could almost convince himself to stay right here. What could be better than this? The thought of even less people was inviting though. He wondered what their home would be like. He imagined perfection. Though he couldn’t really place what he thought perfect was. Maybe just quiet and simply. He didn’t need much. He just wanted to stop running and struggling to just exist.

There was a little bounce beside him as Dan half pounced onto the bed. He opened one eye and saw the boy with his knees tucked under, his chin on his hands, and a contagious smile pulling at his lips.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.

               Phil turned his head to look at Dan properly. “Mmm, our home.” He smiled.

               “That sounds lovely.”

               “It is.”

               Dan laid on his side and looked down at him. “Tell me about it.”

               “Well,” Phil thought, adjusting to get comfy. “That’s just it. I’m not entirely sure. I know it’ll be perfect though.”

               “If you can’t picture it then how can you see it as perfect?” Dan mocked.

               “Easy. For one, you’ll be there.”

               Dan rolled his eyes. “I’m not some decoration, you know.”

               “I know. You’re far prettier.” Phil leaned up to kiss him lingeringly. He remembered a time when Dan would glare at him for calling him pretty and smiled.

               “What are you grinning about?” Dan asked, pulling away.

               “Nothing.” Phil insisted and kissed him again. “Just memories.”

               Dan frowned at that because he still had a hard time thinking of any good memories that had to do with their past. He wasn’t yet capable of pushing passed the dark pictures that would fill his mind and look at the tiny, bright, beautiful ones. It would take time. Phil found it easy to see those precious moments because everything since Dan entered the arena had him in it. From that moment up till now Phil had had a companion. Dans eyes always flickered to Phil’s body when the past came up. Even now when Phil was thinking of something pleasant, Dan was grazing his fingers gently over the marks on Phil’s arm. In seconds the smile had vanished and his eyes were no longer seeing what was in this room. Phil wished he didn’t remind Dan of those times. He’d do anything to fix it all. For now though, he tried to bring Dan back to the present.

               “Dan? Do you want to do something today? I was kind of feeling like going outside.”

               Dan raised his eyebrows. “Outside?”

               Phil shrugged. It was weird for him admit but he did.

               “Sounds fun. How about a walk?”

               “A walk?” He scrunched his eyebrows.

               Dan smiled and laughed. “Yeah, it’s something couples do sometimes in the outside world.”

              

               They found a quiet place a little way from their motel where they could walk along a river. It was warm outside and they took off their shoes to push their feet slowly through the refreshing water as they went.

               “Dan, can I ask a question about your life before the arena?” Phil asked. It was a topic they rarely discussed. What mattered was that they were together now and even though they’d had to go through a lot to get there, it was worth it in the end. It didn’t make thinking of their previous lives any easier though. It was a beautifully innocent and ignorant time for them both.

               “Sure.” Dan sounded surprised.

               “What was it like? You were out of school already. Were you working or anything?” Phil remembered Dan talking about his family before they left Maddy’s. He’d said his parents thought of him as an investment, and he’d had a little brother. Phil remembered a couple of stories Dan had told him about him and his brother but there hadn’t been much.

               Dan blew out a long breath. “Well, my parents wanted me to be in law. I didn’t. They were into politics and stuff and I just didn’t care. I was too busy thinking of other things you know?”

               “Like what?”

               Dan looked at him and smirked. “I was a single young man Phil, what do you _think_ I was thinking about? I didn’t want more schooling. I wanted to get married and have a family. I’ve always wanted kids.” The expression Dan had now showed Phil how far gone Dan thought that future to be.

               “What did you want to do, if it wasn’t law?”

               “Gosh, I hadn’t even thought about it to be honest.” Seeing through Dan’s obvious try at trying to hide something Phil stopped walking, forcing him to as well. “What?” Dan asked.

               “That’s a lie. I can see it all over your face. What did you want to do Dan?”

               Dan grinned and shook his head and they continued walking. “ _Fine_. It’s incredibly unrealistic though and I knew that. I wanted to be an actor.”

               “An actor?” Phil was surprised.

               “I know, pretty stupid and immature huh?” Dan picked up a rock and through it down the river nonchalantly.

               “Not at all. I think that’s really cool. You would have been good at it too.”

               Dan looked at him hopefully. “You think so?”

               “I do.”

               It got quiet and Phil figured Dan was done talking about his past. But it seemed it was his turn now.

               “What about you? I know you were young but what was it like?”

               At the thought of his own life Phil’s thoughts got fuzzy and disoriented. It was like he had to squint to think of anything that happened before the arena. But since coming out into the real world there were things he remembered, and they weren’t bad memories.

               “I remember my mother mostly.”

               Dan looked at him curiously. “Really?”

               “Yeah. I remember that she had red in her hair when the sun hit it just right. She was funny and I laughed with her a lot. I have this one memory of her pushing me on the swings and another of her teaching me to count. It’s weird because it seems like someone else’s life but also, I can see myself there. I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah.” Phil shrugged. “My father was more serious. He worked a lot, but it was to take care of us, so I respect him for that. I know I had fun with him sometimes.”

               “That’s neat. I’m glad you remember those things.”

               “There was my little brother but I just see glimpses of him every once in a while.” Phil paused before continuing. He’d never talked this much about his family.

“There’s this one thing in specific I remember my mom saying to me and I’ve never really forgotten it. Though I think for a long time I pushed the thought far away. You see, my mother loved love stories. I don’t now if she made them up or heard them from somewhere else but either way, they were always good.” Phil smiled at the memory. “One day we were sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch and she’d just finished telling me a story. It must have been not too long before I was taken to the arena because I can see it clearly. She told me how she believed in soul mates and that everyone had one person that was meant for them, designed for them even. I remember being so amazed at the idea. To think that there was someone out _just_ for me. She said that if one of the soul mates died for some reason, then the other would too. How could they live happily otherwise? It was a kindness God did to a person so that they weren’t left alone. But years later when I found myself in that stupid cell and I remembered that story, I was so angry. I thought it was so cruel. And I kept thinking how impossible it was that I’d ever find my soul mate because I was in that horrible place. I thought too that if I died, my soul mate would have to die and that made me sad. But then what if my soul mate had already died and that was why I was in the arena, because I needed to die.”

               Dan looked at Phil sadly and took his hand. “It was just a story Phil. It wasn’t true.”

               But Phil shook his head. “I don’t think so Dan.” He almost laughed because Dan didn’t see where he was going with this and still looked at him quizzically. “In a locked cell where I was all alone for years, hidden from anyone, and could have died a hundred times, you still found me.”

               Dan stopped walking and Phil looked at him. His eyes were glistening with emotion. Dan leapt forward and embraced Phil tightly. Phil chuckled into his neck.

               “That was the most amazing thing anyone’s ever said to me.” Dan mumbled into his shoulder.

               Phil squeezed him harder. “You’ll always be my person Dan. The one designed just for me.”

               “I’m so lucky to be your person.” Dan pulled away. His eyes cleared and he looked intently at Phil. “Sometimes it’s like I’m still in that arena. It’s frustrating because my wounds are healed but I still have this feeling like I’m _still_ bleeding out, you know? What I’m trying to say, is that I can’t imagine not having you here to help me through everything.”

               “It is hard, but it’s okay to still be scared and to have those bad memories. Those things happened. We can’t deny any of it Dan. We need to work through it, or we will never heal. We’ll get through it together though, like you said.”

               Dan sighed heavily. “I hate being scared.”

               Phil gave him a side hug. “I know. But I really don’t think we’ll have to be for much longer.”

               “I hope you’re right. I love you Phil. So much.”

 

 

 

Dan stood in the back of the carriage, bracing his legs to stay upright as the wheels continued over rocks and holes. He tapped furiously at Phil’s shoulder. “We’re almost there! Phil, we’re almost there!”

               Phil turned to look at the approaching town. If he squinted, he could see the brown tips of houses appearing in the distance. Dan was barely able to contain his excitement. “Sit down or you’re going to fall.” Phil laughed at him, tugging at his shirt to pull him down.

               They had been riding on this carriage now for three days. They’d been traveling near the sea which excited them both. They knew the town they were going to was along the ocean. A cold, rough one but it was still beautiful, and Phil couldn’t imagine a more breath taking location. At first, riding along some of the high ledges had been terrifying but after a while he’d gotten used to it and now, he couldn’t remove his eyes from the view. The air was crisp here. He’d never experienced anything like it. He was used to the sun baking down and exhausting him. But as the wind whipped at his hair and his skin prickled with goose bumps, he felt energized.

It had taken them nearly a week to convince themselves to leave the comfortable mid seized town. Then to find people that were heading in the direction they needed had been difficult. It had been three weeks since they left the motel, much longer than they intended. They were low on money again, tired and anxious to reach the address Glen had given them. All that mattered now though was that the town was in sight. It was a dream coming true before their very eyes.

               As the town approached Phil could see more. There was lots of farmland and the houses looked as though they’d been there for generations. There were no cars here and the largest building he could see was a library. They passed by it and he gazed excitedly through the shops window. It had never occurred to him that he might be able to sit down and enjoy a book.

               They passed another section, a market. A dozen small tents were set up one after the other. People were going from one tent to the next, examining the fruits and vegetables and placing them in baskets they let hang on their arm. Everyone looked so at ease.

               They were dropped off a couple blocks later and had to ask for help along the way to find the right address. In their buzz of excitement and disbelief Dan and Phil stayed equally silent as they walked down the narrow dirt road supposedly leading to the location. They walked past large fenced yards where dogs barked playfully, chickens clucked, and families worked outside. Some stopped to watch them curiously. There was no judgement or distrust in their eyes, just interest.

               Phil was smiling at a young girl who waved at him through a window when Dan stopped beside him.

               “We’re here.” He said simply.

               Phil turned to see a small blue, two level house with a white porch out front. It sat atop a little slope. As they walked up the hill, Phil could see that the paint was chipping and some boards on the porch along with the railing looked like they may collapse in. There was a window on either side of the front door, which looked like the newest thing on the house. It was clean and freshly painted a pale yellow. There was no fence, it was just open with green grass and a single, young tree planted in the front. They had neighbors on either side, but they were far enough away that the house had plenty of privacy and openness on all sides.

               “A-are you sure this is it?” Phil asked. It was too perfect. There was no way this is where they would be living. It was nothing Phil could have imagined because he’d never dreamed of a place this amazing.

               “Let’s go inside.” Dan said in reply and made his way slowly up the three steps to the porch.

               Phil followed, placing his hand gently on the collapsing railing. Dan turned the knob, hesitating for a second before pushing the door in. He looked back at Phil, the happiest smile on his face he’d ever seen. Dan walked in but Phil turned as he reached the porch to look at where they’d come from. The view took his breath away.

               “Dan, Dan come back here!” He called excitedly.

               He heard Dan jog up beside him and the quiet gasp leave his lips. Phil looked at him to witness his amazement. “It’s incredible, Phil. Look at it!”

               Phil laughed. “I am!” He faced the view again. The ocean spanned out as far as his eyes could see. Waves rolled in one after the other, crashing against the side of the peninsula somewhere his vision couldn’t quite see. If he closed his eyes, he could hear it and it made his heart flutter joyfully. Houses were scattered all around but none of them were quite high enough to have this view.

               They stayed out there for quite some time before realizing that they could stand out there for as long as want any other time. As they entered the house, there was a staircase in front of them. To the left was the living room. There was a small fireplace in the far corner. Everything was an old hardwood floor. There was no furniture in the room. On the right side of the staircase was the kitchen which had a dining table up against a window.

               Phil followed Dan around the stairs to where there were two open doors at the back of the house. The one to the left was a bathroom. A _real_ bathroom. Phil couldn’t believe this. The door to the right was a bedroom. It was already furnished with a large bed and a dresser that had a lamp sitting atop it. There were two windows that let in enough light to brighten the place.

               “Is this…our room?” Phil asked.

               Dan laughed in disbelief. “I think so. Our room Phil. _Our_ room!”

               “What’s upstairs then?” He wondered.

               They left the room and ventured upstairs where they discovered two more bedrooms and bathroom. One of the rooms was furnished much like the one downstairs but the other had more in it. There was a desk and chair, some unfolded clothes on the bed and a few things on the nightstand. It was obvious someone had lived here at some point.

               Back downstairs Dan was going through the kitchen when he found an envelope sitting beside the sink.

               “Phil, come here. It’s a note. I think it’s from Glen. I’ll read it out loud.”

               Phil sat at the dining table and Dan joined him.

 

_Dan and Phil_

_I hope this place is acceptable to you. I’ve owned it for some time now but as you know by now, I couldn’t leave Phil, and then you Dan, in that arena while I sat in this house looking at that incredible view. It’s always been special to me and I’m so glad to put it to use. Don’t go getting overly happy though! I’ll be joining you soon and I don’t want to come back to find my room’s been turned into an art studio or something. The other room upstairs is for Maddy if she ever decides to join us, but the one downstairs is all yours. Do as you please to it. I haven’t exactly had a chance to make the place homey so feel free to decorate as you like. I’m not picky. As you can see too, the house needs work. Fix up what you wish, and I’ll help when I arrive. I planted a tree out front last summer. It’s supposed to have beautiful leaves in the fall and flowers in the spring._

_I have no doubts you’ll manage until I arrive. There’s some money in the nightstand in my room to get you started with groceries, but you’ll have to find a job soon. The people here are friendly and kind and you’ll have no problem being useful. I hope the journey here wasn’t too difficult and that when I open the front door, you’ll both be standing here making lunch. If not..well…then I guess I’ve got to get back out there and save your asses from some other tragedy._

_Your Friend,_

_Glen_

“I wonder when we’ll see him next.” Dan wondered aloud.

“Me too. I hope it’s soon.”

Dan stood and went to Phil, kissing him deeply. “Hopefully not _too_ soon. There’s a _few_ things I’d like to do before he gets here.”

Phil chuckled against his lips as they kissed again. They had made it. It had been hard and even after the arena it felt like they were in another sort of battle, but it was over now. No more fighting for their lives. No more fighting to keep each other alive.

“Remember when you said you were picturing what our home looked like?” Dan asked as they made their way back to the porch for another glimpse at the sea.

“Yeah?”

               Dan squeezed his hand. “Now that you can really see it, tell me about it. What were you picturing that would make it perfect?”

               There was a part of Phil that he’d never known was there. The part that colored in coloring books and cut up paper as a toddler. It opened itself again in that moment. A creative side that blossomed and let him imagine this place with plants, trees, pathways, and flowers of every color. _Flowers_. He’d never thought he’d see flowers again. And then Dan had given him some in their cell and he thought again that that would be the last time. Now he was here, and he could choose whatever flowers he wanted and plant as many as he wanted.

               “I want flowers. Lots and lots of flowers.” He explained to Dan all he wanted to do with their home and Dan watched him with a smile Phil never thought he’d see on this beautiful broken boy. He had so much to learn about this person in front of him, _his_ person. So much of his life Phil had been completely and entirely powerless. This new future before them that filled his heart with hope though? It left him utterly breathless.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie. I cried writing the end of this chapter. Silly, I know.
> 
> Wow. It's over. What?! I can hardly believe it myself. I posted the first chapter of Powerless June 2017. I am so grateful for everyone that has been with me through this crazy ride of a fic! If you enjoyed I encourage you to pretty please share the link that I have posted on phandictioned.tumblr.com Powerless has been my baby since the beginning, my favorite of all my fics. 
> 
> If anyone makes fanart please let me know on my tumblr as well!
> 
> Thanks again for all the awesome comments and feel free to check out my other fics. I have lots to choose from lol

**Author's Note:**

> I know something that has kept a lot of people from reading Powerless was the ending so I have created an alternate ending which leads into Dan and Phils life after the arena :) Still pretty angsty though! Coming from what they did, how it could not be?


End file.
